Just so you know, Corpopharm is still open and the pills are flowing like amber waves o' grain. Although there's been plenty to write about (swine flu, the FDA wanting to take away Tylenol and Vic-O-Dans, the Obama Health Care Masacre), I haven't felt like writing about any of it. Sometimes, well, it just doesn't seem that funny (tear, sniff).
Of course my patients have been up to the same old antics. Just the other day a guy told me I gave him 50 Vicodin instead of 100. I have to admire that he really went for the gold on that one. Even my fellow health care professionals are going crazy. A fellow pharmacist stopped in the other night to tell me how much better things were going for him. He stated that he was getting some of his health problems under control and that he had a date lined up for Friday night after a long dry spell. Then, he proceeded to visit another 24 hour Corpopharm and tell the pharmacist there (who called me afterward) that he was planning to kill himself soon. So it goes.
This, however, is just Too Fucking Rich. On my way up to the front of the store last night for my daily dose of Diet Mountain Dew (one of my few vices, besides amputee porn and skinning hookers) I spied with my little eyes this monument to alcohol abuse in the photo above. Just another representation of Corpopharm's concern for your health and well being. The first thought in your brain bucket upon entering the apothecary should be Jager bombs and drinking until you black out. What? Do you know anyone using Jager for anything else?
An elderly couple enter Corpopharm. The woman is supporting herself with a walker. There are tennis balls attached the feet that are that perfect bright yellow-green in the July sun. It's morning sun, not that hot, angry afternoon sun that bakes the parking lot asphault and makes dogs want to bite. The man has on a straw hat with a little feather poking out of the hatband at a jaunty angle. They are here for their monthly medications, and that's all right.
Woman: My, my! It's certainly fixin' to be a cooker! 90 degrees by noon, mark my words!
Man: Yuh, I reckon you're right. Why, it's a good thing this pharmacy is open so early. I do declare that venturin' out into the heat for us old folks is a per-i-lous pursuit!
Woman: While we're here, don't let me forget to pick up... Saaaaayyyyy, is that a cooler full of that Jager-whats-it over yonder?
Man: Where? I don't... Ah! By gum, I think it is! Isn't that the concoction that all the kids are drinking these days?
Woman: Yes, it is! They drink it by the quart, then they go out on the town and get up to dickens! Why, I do believe junior had a headful of that stuff when he burned down the ol' McCibben place.
Man: Golly! It's even in the cooler already. What do you say, Maud, don't you think a cold snootful' would be powerful refreshin' on a hot day like this?
Woman: Oh, to be young again!
The old couple forgets all about the pharmacy and their medication. The leave Corpopharm with an ice cold bottle of Jagermeister and a little extra spring in their step. They never return.
Happy Independence Day, everyone. Remember what it's all about.
