Today at work was a real cluster. It was one of those days where I won but still felt like I lost.
Getting slammed in the pharmacy is an interesting phenomenon. You run around for 10 hours putting out fire after fire. You talk to countless people and check hundreds of prescriptions. Throughout that span of time you do everything from the mundane to the essential. Then, suddenly, it's 10 minutes until closing time. You haven't eaten, drank, or urinated in roughly 8 hours without even realizing it because you haven't had a chance to think about it. You've been doing 'more important things'. More important things range from finding toilet paper for the old lady who believes that this is your primary function in the pharmacy to correcting a child's medication dose so they don't end up dead or debilitated at the end of the day. It happens.
I digress. Of course, plenty of funny shit happened as it does every day. On to the highlights!!!!
It was at the height of rush hour (4-6 on most days, or in todays case, 4 to infinity) that Ward Of The State came chugging up to the counter. Ward Of The State is and industry term for someone who's been on Medicaid since birth and will remain so until death. I said 'chugging' because WOTS are always overweight. Always. It's like they've been living off Twinkies and salami for the last 10 years. They lumber. The lisp. They are odoriferous. Christ.
WOTS had a large plastic bag in tow. I knew she would. She slammed it down on the counter with authority. The earth quaked, as though it had been rocked to it's very foundation. Sirens sounded at NORAD. The Gods themselves shuddered, and for a minute life stopped. This bag contained many empty pill bottles that were not from my pharmacy. This means trouble. This means I'll have to get ahold of whatever pharmacy these Rxs came from and transfer them to my pharmacy. For those of you not in pharmacy, this is a lot of work. Roughly 30 minutes of work, which is hard to come by in good ol' Corpopharm. Corpopharm loves it because it means more Rx volume for them. It means the end of the world for me because I am already 30 minutes behind.
WOTS: I need these transfered! Can I wait?
Me: (ohgoodgodchristalmighty) This will take some time...
WOTS: I can wait. Sure!
Me: (what would Judas do) Ok, have a seat and I'll get to work on this.
This situation is a gamble. As I quickly scanned her meds, I saw many psych drugs that meant this person was mentally ill. This was further evidenced by her strange mannerisms, abnormal facial movements and the fact that she looked as though she'd dressed in the dark and smelled like an old folks home. She is bound to interpret 'some time' differently than you and I. She could be back up to the counter in 10 seconds raving about Jesus and the Apocalypse or sit in the corner and drool on herself until the cows come home. You just never know.
So, I did all I could do. I got on the horn like a good little Drug Monkey and transfered her scripts from BFE Kentucky (look it up on Google maps, I promise you'll find it). The pharmacist that I was getting the scripts from was all too reluctant to let them go. I believe her actual response was this:
'She's gone?!? OHMYGOD!!!!! (drops phone, yelling at the rest of her staff) WOTS left! She moved!!'
I forgot to mention that most of her scripts were out of refills. When she returns tomorrow, I won't have 4 to 5 of them. Imagine trying to explain this to a Martian, and that's what it's like trying to explain it to WOTS. And I've got to do it in about 7 hours. Shit.
27 July 2007
22 July 2007
E-nun-see-yate
It was my weekend to work. Here's some highlights.
Me (addressing old guy): Hi. Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy: Wilson! W-i-l-s-o-n.
Me: What's your first name?
Old Guy: Wilson! W-i-l-s-o-n!!!!!
Me: No, your FIRST name.
Old Guy: Prescriptions!!!
Me (old guy 2): Hi. Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy 2: (pause) Huh?
Me: Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy 2: (longer pause) Son, I don't know what the hell you just said.
Me: Fair enough.
Me (addressing Dr. Soandso on the phone): That drug does not come in a 165 mg capsule. You can write for 125, 250, or 500 mg capsule. There's also a 125mg/5ml suspension. Will any of those work?
Dr.: It says griseofulvin 165 mg capsule right here on the order. Is that not clear?
Me: *Sigh*
Me (talking with a crazy lady on the phone): You picked up that fill on the 30th of last month. You should still have at at least 8 tabs left.
Crazy Lady: But I don't! I don't know what happened! I need more now.
Me (pantomiming shooting myself in the face): Your insurance won't pay for it for 5 more days. If you want to pick it up now, you'll have to pay for it out of pocket.
Crazy Lady: Are you sure you gave me enough?!? I'm completely out!!!
Me: We gave you a 30 day supply. Are you sure there's not some left? Could you have lost some?
Crazy Lady: Uh... Well, I guess I could have lost some. I'm always losing things.
On the bright side, it was slow enough that I got some time to take care of some housekeeping details like inventory and organizing. Our automated inventory system was grossly inaccurate on a few counts, including some drugs we go through a lot of. This becomes important when the computer thinks you have 2000 tablets of generic Vicodin when you actually have 500, thus not ordering any in enough time to keep it in stock. It's especially important because people go batshit insane crazy when you don't have their happy pills.
Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot this one. Some chick brought a pregnancy test to the pharmacy wanting to return it because it was 'defective'. Now, I've never been one to ride a high horse. I think anyone who knows me would agree with that. However, if you come to my pharmacy and ask me to do cashier work I might just have to bitch slap you. I have more important things to do throughout the day than check prices of toilet paper and get your god damn coupons to work. Take that or leave it, I could care less.
On with the story. My technician gives her a refund and she leaves. She's back about 5 minutes later asking for help reading ANOTHER pregnancy test. Turns out she was using it in the store's bathroom. My tech looks at it and interprets it as a positive. She starts crying and leaves. I think I started to tear up a little myself.
Oh! Almost forgot this one as well. At one point of the day, two guys came to the pharmacy needing help with tinea (jock itch) AT THE SAME TIME. I showed them the available antifungal options and they actually started comparing/contrasting the antifungals together. It was great. One decided on the 'cheapo' while the other went with the 'high dollar shit'. Stuff like this makes going to work every day interesting.
Me (addressing old guy): Hi. Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy: Wilson! W-i-l-s-o-n.
Me: What's your first name?
Old Guy: Wilson! W-i-l-s-o-n!!!!!
Me: No, your FIRST name.
Old Guy: Prescriptions!!!
Me (old guy 2): Hi. Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy 2: (pause) Huh?
Me: Do you have some prescriptions to pick up?
Old Guy 2: (longer pause) Son, I don't know what the hell you just said.
Me: Fair enough.
Me (addressing Dr. Soandso on the phone): That drug does not come in a 165 mg capsule. You can write for 125, 250, or 500 mg capsule. There's also a 125mg/5ml suspension. Will any of those work?
Dr.: It says griseofulvin 165 mg capsule right here on the order. Is that not clear?
Me: *Sigh*
Me (talking with a crazy lady on the phone): You picked up that fill on the 30th of last month. You should still have at at least 8 tabs left.
Crazy Lady: But I don't! I don't know what happened! I need more now.
Me (pantomiming shooting myself in the face): Your insurance won't pay for it for 5 more days. If you want to pick it up now, you'll have to pay for it out of pocket.
Crazy Lady: Are you sure you gave me enough?!? I'm completely out!!!
Me: We gave you a 30 day supply. Are you sure there's not some left? Could you have lost some?
Crazy Lady: Uh... Well, I guess I could have lost some. I'm always losing things.
On the bright side, it was slow enough that I got some time to take care of some housekeeping details like inventory and organizing. Our automated inventory system was grossly inaccurate on a few counts, including some drugs we go through a lot of. This becomes important when the computer thinks you have 2000 tablets of generic Vicodin when you actually have 500, thus not ordering any in enough time to keep it in stock. It's especially important because people go batshit insane crazy when you don't have their happy pills.
Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot this one. Some chick brought a pregnancy test to the pharmacy wanting to return it because it was 'defective'. Now, I've never been one to ride a high horse. I think anyone who knows me would agree with that. However, if you come to my pharmacy and ask me to do cashier work I might just have to bitch slap you. I have more important things to do throughout the day than check prices of toilet paper and get your god damn coupons to work. Take that or leave it, I could care less.
On with the story. My technician gives her a refund and she leaves. She's back about 5 minutes later asking for help reading ANOTHER pregnancy test. Turns out she was using it in the store's bathroom. My tech looks at it and interprets it as a positive. She starts crying and leaves. I think I started to tear up a little myself.
Oh! Almost forgot this one as well. At one point of the day, two guys came to the pharmacy needing help with tinea (jock itch) AT THE SAME TIME. I showed them the available antifungal options and they actually started comparing/contrasting the antifungals together. It was great. One decided on the 'cheapo' while the other went with the 'high dollar shit'. Stuff like this makes going to work every day interesting.
18 July 2007
House Progress
Construction is moving right along on Chateaus Bitchin'. It's still a bit behind schedule, but I've got the crew of Oompa-Loompas working nonstop with their infectious song and confectionery love. I'm full of hope.
I have a walk-through with the builder on Friday morning. The Roommates will be unable to make it, very busy with work you see. I managed to get my shift switched from Friday morning to the evening so I'll be able to attend. Hopefully they'll give me a hard hat and tool belt.
It will be nice to talk to the builder and get some questions answered. I've stopped by to talk to the crew before, but none of them seem to speak english. They're probably using code since much of the installation is Top Secret Military Classified Information. Don't ask, I'll have to kill you.
16 July 2007
Myspace Sucks
Ever been to Myspace? I have. Ever wanted to amputate your toes with a dirty cleaver? You will after creating an account and spending ten minutes on the most vapid wasteland on the internet, www.Myspace.com.
I've been on Myspace for about six months or so. That's long enough to drop enough points off my functional IQ to equate to borderline mental retardation. I'm serious.
Myspace is the perfect reason why not everyone should have the ability to create a web page. Third party HTML builders will allow you customize your account to be so annoying that it's nearly offensive. Add enough star bursts and fading pictures and it starts to bear a remarkable resemblance to colorful vomit splashing around in your toilet bowl. Add whatever shitty song happens to be playing on their profile at the moment and you've got the equivalent of a web page design abortion. Thanks Tom.
I know what you're thinking. Whatev, a-hole! Ive met all my fav pEEps on myspace, LOL!!11! Really? The majority of the people I get friend requests from are webcam chicks, burgeoning porn stars and people I haven't talked to in 8 years from high school. Sweet.
Here's the dialogue box I got last time I tried to send a friend a message:
Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred.
This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group.
I've been on Myspace for about six months or so. That's long enough to drop enough points off my functional IQ to equate to borderline mental retardation. I'm serious.
Myspace is the perfect reason why not everyone should have the ability to create a web page. Third party HTML builders will allow you customize your account to be so annoying that it's nearly offensive. Add enough star bursts and fading pictures and it starts to bear a remarkable resemblance to colorful vomit splashing around in your toilet bowl. Add whatever shitty song happens to be playing on their profile at the moment and you've got the equivalent of a web page design abortion. Thanks Tom.
I know what you're thinking. Whatev, a-hole! Ive met all my fav pEEps on myspace, LOL!!11! Really? The majority of the people I get friend requests from are webcam chicks, burgeoning porn stars and people I haven't talked to in 8 years from high school. Sweet.
Here's the dialogue box I got last time I tried to send a friend a message:
Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred.
This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group.
What technical group is that? A room full of monkeys throwing feces? It must be, because every time I go to Myspace it seems to get less functional and increasingly cumbersome.
If you're not on Myspace yet, beat them to the punch and throw your computer out the window. Or, you could become a spiteful and angry blogger. That's a productive use of time. Either way...
If you're not on Myspace yet, beat them to the punch and throw your computer out the window. Or, you could become a spiteful and angry blogger. That's a productive use of time. Either way...
10 July 2007
Missouri merely dislikes me
After a long and treacherous process of written examinations, oral debates and body cavity searches, the fine state of Missouri has seen fit to make me a licensed pharmacist. Neat-o. While much of my writing on this site ranges from sarcasm to outright fallacy, I can say with utter sincerity that I feel this is a great accomplishment as well as an important milestone in my life. I've put a lot of work into this, and getting this news makes me both relieved and happy.
Corpopharm, my employer, was elated to hear the good news as well. I informed my higher-ups yesterday that I had passed my boards and was licensed. My boss told me that she would like to have me start Tuesday, and that I could take today (Monday) off. Terrific!
Well, as we all know all play and no work makes Jack a dull boy. The area scheduler for Corpopharm knows this as well and called me at 7 AM today.
Scheduler: Hi Jack! Congratulations on passing your boards and getting licensed!
Jack: (rubbing sleep from eyes, scratching self) Wha? Whoizthis?
Scheduler: Say, we could really use some help today as one of our pharmacists at Store X went into labor today. She's having a baby! Isn't that great? So, could you help us out and pick up her shift at 2 PM at Store X?
Jack: Baby who?
Scheduler: Great! Thanks!
OK, so that's not exactly how the conversation went, but let's just say I felt a little like I was getting ambushed. I'd been licensed for approximately 24 hours and was already being asked to cover for sick shifts. Welcome to the working world.
On the bright side, my first day as a pharmacist went pretty smoothly. I only got insulted once or twice, and nobody told me I looked too young to be in charge. I figure that's a victory.
Corpopharm, my employer, was elated to hear the good news as well. I informed my higher-ups yesterday that I had passed my boards and was licensed. My boss told me that she would like to have me start Tuesday, and that I could take today (Monday) off. Terrific!
Well, as we all know all play and no work makes Jack a dull boy. The area scheduler for Corpopharm knows this as well and called me at 7 AM today.
Scheduler: Hi Jack! Congratulations on passing your boards and getting licensed!
Jack: (rubbing sleep from eyes, scratching self) Wha? Whoizthis?
Scheduler: Say, we could really use some help today as one of our pharmacists at Store X went into labor today. She's having a baby! Isn't that great? So, could you help us out and pick up her shift at 2 PM at Store X?
Jack: Baby who?
Scheduler: Great! Thanks!
OK, so that's not exactly how the conversation went, but let's just say I felt a little like I was getting ambushed. I'd been licensed for approximately 24 hours and was already being asked to cover for sick shifts. Welcome to the working world.
On the bright side, my first day as a pharmacist went pretty smoothly. I only got insulted once or twice, and nobody told me I looked too young to be in charge. I figure that's a victory.
03 July 2007
Your Doctor Is Smarter Than You
I know it's hard for you to believe, but 9 times out of 10, it's true. This is why you do not argue with me over what your doctor chose to write on your prescription. I had this conversation with some philistine at my pharmacy today.
Philistine (smiling broadly): Hi. I noticed after getting my prescription earlier that you didn't fill it right. Or my doctor didn't write it right.
Me: Let me check the hard copy.
Her smiled brightened, and I was filled with such hope that I wanted to vote Independent.
Me (viewing the hard copy and viewing her script we filled): This looks fine. What's the problem?
Philistine (a little huffy): My doctor always writes for a 3 month supply with 3 refills. You only gave me a one month supply with 3 refills.
Me (showing Philistine the hard copy): Your doctor wrote for a 1 month supply with 3 refills. See?
Philistine: No, my doctor meant to give me a years supply. See this bottle? (Philistine shows me an old prescription bottle) That's the way she usually does it.
Philistine is smiling even more brightly now, having just shown me the error of my ways.
Me: I see that. However, that is an old prescription bottle that is unrelated to this new prescription.
Philistine: (blank stare)
There is a moral to this story, and it's got a little something to do with the title of this tirade. I could have told the lady without even checking the hard copy that her prescription had been filled correctly, end of story. However, I took the time to produce the actual script her doctor had written and put it side by side with the medication we had filled for her. I'm a bright-eyed optimist that assumes cold hard facts will help people to understand their prescriptions more thoroughly. It's people like this woman that make me wonder whether they're so dumb that they don't understand 1+1 or that they're trying to make me think that they're so dumb that I just give up trying to explain things to them and do what they want. Either way, I'm awful thirsty by the time I get home every day.
Philistine (smiling broadly): Hi. I noticed after getting my prescription earlier that you didn't fill it right. Or my doctor didn't write it right.
Me: Let me check the hard copy.
Her smiled brightened, and I was filled with such hope that I wanted to vote Independent.
Me (viewing the hard copy and viewing her script we filled): This looks fine. What's the problem?
Philistine (a little huffy): My doctor always writes for a 3 month supply with 3 refills. You only gave me a one month supply with 3 refills.
Me (showing Philistine the hard copy): Your doctor wrote for a 1 month supply with 3 refills. See?
Philistine: No, my doctor meant to give me a years supply. See this bottle? (Philistine shows me an old prescription bottle) That's the way she usually does it.
Philistine is smiling even more brightly now, having just shown me the error of my ways.
Me: I see that. However, that is an old prescription bottle that is unrelated to this new prescription.
Philistine: (blank stare)
There is a moral to this story, and it's got a little something to do with the title of this tirade. I could have told the lady without even checking the hard copy that her prescription had been filled correctly, end of story. However, I took the time to produce the actual script her doctor had written and put it side by side with the medication we had filled for her. I'm a bright-eyed optimist that assumes cold hard facts will help people to understand their prescriptions more thoroughly. It's people like this woman that make me wonder whether they're so dumb that they don't understand 1+1 or that they're trying to make me think that they're so dumb that I just give up trying to explain things to them and do what they want. Either way, I'm awful thirsty by the time I get home every day.
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