Slap Happy

One unifying fact of humans is that they do stupid things when they become intoxicated. By these acts they are entertained.

I went out with some friends last night to a new bar after work on Saturday. The bar itself was really great. It has two sections: one with a live Irish band with tiered seating and another with an old style pub where it's more quiet. The pub section is the sort of place where you can just sit at the bar, drink and be angry. If you're into that sort of thing.

My friends and I were watching the band and trying to drink the place out of whiskey. I kept hearing this loud banging sound at a table behind me and eventually started watching the table to see what was going on.

A group of firemen was occupying the table that seemed to be emitting noises. You could tell they were firemen because they had on these dress uniforms with badges on them. I guess they're the type of dress uniform they wear to formal functions, funerals, or the occasional bar adventure.

I soon learned the source of the auditory disturbance. Keep in mind that the band was fairly loud in this bar, and to be heard you had to yell or get close to the person you were speaking to. The firemen decided it would be a lark to take advantage of this and make a little game for themselves. They poured a big puddle of Guinness on the middle of the table. Whenever two people on the other side leaned far enough in, one of them would slam an open palm right into the middle of the puddle and give them a face-full of the dark stuff.

Not only was this game not fun for the people receiving beer shower, it was not fun to most of the people surrounding the table. I even noticed a few sprinkles of delicious Guinness on my shirt and I was a good 30 feet away from the action. The firemen actually got away with acting like 5 year olds for a good 15 minutes before the bouncers intervened. They were not pleased.

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This morning a young woman was standing in front of the pharmacy as I approached to start the day's pill counting action. At my Corpopharm the store opens at 8 AM on Sunday, but the pharmacy doesn't open until 10 AM. I don't bother going in early on Sunday. Once people see someone in the pharmacy they immediately feel the urge to get retarded.

I was not even done unlocking the gate when the girl engaged me.

Girl: Do you sell the morning after pill?
Me: Yes. The pharmacy isn't open yet.
Girl: I know. I just wanted to check!

The girl just stood out front staring at me with this stupid nervous grin on her face as I went about the hallowed ritual of Starting The Apothecary. I kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn't going to attempt an impromptu abortion right then and there.

Normally when people ask me for the morning after pill, I all but make them take it on the spot. After dealing with the mongoloids that I experience on a daily basis, I feel the shit should be ground up and put in the drinking water. So, I didn't delay in getting her Plan B as soon as I got the computers turned on and the front gate opened.

Girl: Is it OK if I pay in ones?

I'm sure I pulled funny face, but I just couldn't help it. Plan B, the wonderful morning after pill, costs $50. This girl wanted to pay in singles. What line of work do you suppose she was in?