It all started last March, on a fine Monday morning of apothecary wonderment. I was on the phone with TheBoss, who had called regarding some issue I probably didn't give a shit about. She concluded her business and I said something that I did not realize was going to issue from my orifice until it escaped. I told her that I wanted out of my current position and requested a transfer work over-nights at the Corpopharm close to my house. I explained that my lifespan at Corpopharm would not last much longer if my request was not met. I hadn't planned on giving her an ultimatum that day, but there it was.
The last six or so months have been a waiting game. Negotiations, compromises, and enough bureaucracy to make your grandmother want to punch babies. My company is large, and the corporate structure is motivated by many factors. My happiness is not chief among them, so it doesn't surprise me that my request was not fulfilled in a golden instant. I'm sure it would have happened more quickly had I threatened to walk. I'm not a dick like that. Even though I work for an evil machine, that machine is responsible for welfare of real people (like your grandmother).
Two weeks ago, TheBoss called and informed me that my transfer was finally a reality. I started working the night shift at my new pharmacy last week, and I feel the sanity creeping back in already.
There's a multitude of reasons why this was necessary. Anyone who reads about my experiences at work has a glimpse into my head. The responses I've gotten from people who read this site tend to be a bit off the mark. I do not hate my job. I enjoy pharmacy. I truly believe I have one of the best jobs available in the United States today. I feel very fortunate to be in the position I am and wouldn't choose many jobs over the one I currently have (video game tester and beer sampler aside). The problem is not my line of work but the segment of the population that it puts me in direct contact with on a daily basis.
I don't understand people. It's difficult for me to articulate just how each and every interaction with patients at the pharmacy affects me, but the result is rarely positive. I'm offended much more easily than most people by the boorish and casual manner of the standard pharmacy patron. Certainly not by things that most people would consider offensive. I can't reconcile the expectations of the American public with my responsibilities as a health care professional. I cannot alter the perception of the masses. I can't make your coupon work for the toilet paper and explain the proper method for your bowel prep kit in the same sentence. I don't want to bill your script to medicaid and see you drive away in an Escalade. It's not within me.
The other elephant in the rooms was being Pharmacist In Charge. PIC is a legally necessary position for any pharmacy. In a nutshell, the PIC is responsible for the pharmacy obeying regulations set forth by the board of pharmacy by that state. Combine this with the fact that I had precious little faith in my partner and the result was a lot stress and anxiety. I realized one day that if I had a family member that needed medication, I would not want them to go to my pharmacy while my partner was on duty. This is a reality at many pharmacies, sad as that is. I decided I didn't want to accept responsibility any longer for things that were beyond my control. I'll never be PIC again, unless I own the joint.
I just got done with my shift. It's 7:30 AM, and I'm having a beer and watching the sun rise over the park. I spent my last 2 hours at work reading Stephen King's Bachman Books. I'll go to bed in an hour or so.
Next time you get out of the ER at 3 AM and head to the 24 Corpopharm to get your scripts filled, it may that weird pharmacist with the tattoos. Don't worry, you're not fucked. I'll take good care of you.
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Also, credit of Dr. Russell and The Onion, here's a little pharmacy funny in case you haven't read it already. I broke my balls laughing.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38511
31 August 2008
16 August 2008
In The Spirit Of
I get to wondering about the shoppers. The women that grab the shopping cart and wander around Corpopharm for 45 minutes like there's something worth buying. The shopping carts at Corpopharm aren't even real, they're the little downsized bitch models that are about half the size of what you get at the grocery store. At stores that are in the ghetto (one of our managers got shot at one of them a few weeks ago, and that's really sad to me) they have a long pole sticking out of the top so that you can't walk out the door with them. I don't know what's more sad:that people want to steal those stupid mini-carts or that Corpopharm can't bear the thought of some crazy indigent going home with one.
It's always the same routine for them. First, walk in and get a cart. Lean over it like it's a walker out of some geriatric fantasy from hell and drag your feet like they're in cement shoes. Stop by the circular kiosk and grab the ad book that you'll argue with register clerk ad nausem about when you're not getting the sale price on the enema special. Yes, we have enema specials. Get into that old handbag which may or may not contain an army of coupons and retrieve the tissue that you've been using long enough to become good friends with it. Stagger up and down the aisles that have the same inferior products as the last time you got away from bingo long enough to get your heart medication. There's got to be something there you haven't seen before. Make sure your perm is wrapped around your skull like a helmet and you shirt has a bible verse or a Nascar number on it. The look in your eyes ranges from skepticism to thinly veiled contempt. This is the only way.
The most amazing part is that Corpopharm is designed to be wholly offensive to the human senses. Combine fluorescent lighting, looped top forty music and abrasive color schemes with the faint smell of desperation and the result is a profound blow to even the most stoic human spirit. Every day I walk in to my store I wonder if the powers that be are trying to deal a personal blow to my constitution. I can't get back to my pharmacy fast enough to drown out Tina Turner or Gwen Stefani with Nine Inch Nails or Cat Power. Not you, constant shopper. You revel in it, you bob your head.
Tomorrow, the first time I see a shopper, I'm going to follow her around. This is not sexist, it's always a her. I'm going to watch and learn. I don't even care what's going on in the pharmacy. This creature is able to ignore the offensive and focus intently on the mundane and banal as if it were virtue. Don't worry, I'll keep my distance. Trifle not with tired tigers.
It's always the same routine for them. First, walk in and get a cart. Lean over it like it's a walker out of some geriatric fantasy from hell and drag your feet like they're in cement shoes. Stop by the circular kiosk and grab the ad book that you'll argue with register clerk ad nausem about when you're not getting the sale price on the enema special. Yes, we have enema specials. Get into that old handbag which may or may not contain an army of coupons and retrieve the tissue that you've been using long enough to become good friends with it. Stagger up and down the aisles that have the same inferior products as the last time you got away from bingo long enough to get your heart medication. There's got to be something there you haven't seen before. Make sure your perm is wrapped around your skull like a helmet and you shirt has a bible verse or a Nascar number on it. The look in your eyes ranges from skepticism to thinly veiled contempt. This is the only way.
The most amazing part is that Corpopharm is designed to be wholly offensive to the human senses. Combine fluorescent lighting, looped top forty music and abrasive color schemes with the faint smell of desperation and the result is a profound blow to even the most stoic human spirit. Every day I walk in to my store I wonder if the powers that be are trying to deal a personal blow to my constitution. I can't get back to my pharmacy fast enough to drown out Tina Turner or Gwen Stefani with Nine Inch Nails or Cat Power. Not you, constant shopper. You revel in it, you bob your head.
Tomorrow, the first time I see a shopper, I'm going to follow her around. This is not sexist, it's always a her. I'm going to watch and learn. I don't even care what's going on in the pharmacy. This creature is able to ignore the offensive and focus intently on the mundane and banal as if it were virtue. Don't worry, I'll keep my distance. Trifle not with tired tigers.
06 August 2008
Putrid Prophylactic Preview
Here's an unedited note from one of the overnights I worked a few weeks ago.
i'm writing this on my laptop. it's 2:59 am. a couple (man and woman) just came into the store. they came directly back to where the condoms are, which happens to be directly in front of the pharmacy. at first it was just the two of them. then another person showed up, and another. now there are five people in a group in front of the condoms, two women and 3 men. now, this isn't altogether uncommon. it's not unusual for a bunch of kids to be looking at the condoms, snickering and grab-assing. this is not the case here. as i'm typing this, there is a group of 5 adults picking out condoms... together. and they're not attractive. oh boy. i really really hope they don't need a consultation. oh go oh god oh god...
i'm writing this on my laptop. it's 2:59 am. a couple (man and woman) just came into the store. they came directly back to where the condoms are, which happens to be directly in front of the pharmacy. at first it was just the two of them. then another person showed up, and another. now there are five people in a group in front of the condoms, two women and 3 men. now, this isn't altogether uncommon. it's not unusual for a bunch of kids to be looking at the condoms, snickering and grab-assing. this is not the case here. as i'm typing this, there is a group of 5 adults picking out condoms... together. and they're not attractive. oh boy. i really really hope they don't need a consultation. oh go oh god oh god...
29 July 2008
Spiffy Gets Reviewed
Today I traveled to the Corpopharm regional office for my annual review with TheBoss. I was truly curious about how the review would transpire as I had never been privy to one before. It turned out pretty much as I expected: forty minutes of business-speak followed by five minutes of the shaft.
Let me explain the relationship between myself and my company with a little metaphor. It's basically akin to a junior high dance. I'm the awkward, acned, poorly dressed boy trying to hide behind bleachers. Corpopharm is the ugly girl with braces and a speech impediment that's made really good friends with the water fountain but nobody else. Now, we both know how this is going down. We're the only two not dancing and everybody knows it. We can either slow dance and pretend to like each other or we can spend the rest of the year not getting picked in gym class. Not even a choice, really.
TheBoss spent most of the meeting discussing Corpopharm business measures and iniatives before she got the part that matters: my raise. Corpopharm saw fit to bestow me with a raise to the tune of 3.6%. Reviewing the inflation rate for 2008 since January, the average is around 4.3% depending on what source you look at. Corpopharm must not have majored in math, because it looks like I just got a pay cut instead of a raise.
I know some of you are thinking, 'But Spiffy, pharmacists already get payed a lot.' I'm aware of this, and I'm very thankful to have a job that compensates me as well as it does. What I'm not OK with is taking a pay cut so that Corpopharm stock interests can show a meager gain for this fiscal quarter. Yay.
This along with the fact that Corpopharm is currently the worst paying chain in a America may be making the math easier for many pharmacists around the country. I hope my scheduler is getting lots of rest tonight.
Let me explain the relationship between myself and my company with a little metaphor. It's basically akin to a junior high dance. I'm the awkward, acned, poorly dressed boy trying to hide behind bleachers. Corpopharm is the ugly girl with braces and a speech impediment that's made really good friends with the water fountain but nobody else. Now, we both know how this is going down. We're the only two not dancing and everybody knows it. We can either slow dance and pretend to like each other or we can spend the rest of the year not getting picked in gym class. Not even a choice, really.
TheBoss spent most of the meeting discussing Corpopharm business measures and iniatives before she got the part that matters: my raise. Corpopharm saw fit to bestow me with a raise to the tune of 3.6%. Reviewing the inflation rate for 2008 since January, the average is around 4.3% depending on what source you look at. Corpopharm must not have majored in math, because it looks like I just got a pay cut instead of a raise.
I know some of you are thinking, 'But Spiffy, pharmacists already get payed a lot.' I'm aware of this, and I'm very thankful to have a job that compensates me as well as it does. What I'm not OK with is taking a pay cut so that Corpopharm stock interests can show a meager gain for this fiscal quarter. Yay.
This along with the fact that Corpopharm is currently the worst paying chain in a America may be making the math easier for many pharmacists around the country. I hope my scheduler is getting lots of rest tonight.
24 July 2008
My Partner Is Retarded
I have questioned it many times before, but now it's official.
I returned to my home pharmacy yesterday after being on holiday doing overnights. I was greeted by loving remarks and warm embraces from my technicians.
Smiley: Spiffy, you're dead to me.
Spiffy: Miss me, huh?
Apparently some of the floater pharmacists inhabiting my pharmacy have been less than desirable. Like it's my fault.
Anyway, my partner had some ground breaking news for me on the status of the CII counts. CIIs are a type of controlled substance that we keep a running inventory on to be sure that nothing goes missing. Federal law requires that a paper trail of each and every little pill is kept, so it's pretty easy to figure out when and where you went wrong, if you indeed did. My partner informed me that the counts were off by a few bottles on 2 different drugs and that she wasn't sure why. She stated that the inventory book showed a different quantity that what was actually on the shelf. I assured her I would look into it at the first opportunity.
Tonight I pulled the order records. Here's what I found:
1. In both instances, my partner ordered each drug herself.
2. In both instances, my partner signed for each drug when it arrived.
3. In both instances, my partner put the drug away herself in the CII cabinet.
4. In both instances, my partner was unable to perform rudimentary addition.
Welcome to Corpopharm.
_______________________________
A phone call from today with the concerned party requesting to speak to a pharmacist. They waited on hold 3 minutes.
Ohhold: Are you a pharmacist?
Spiffy: Yes.
Onhold: How much does this drug cost?
Spiffy: You know, any one of my technicians could have helped you with that.
Onhold: Your what?
Spiffy: *Sigh*. What medication is it?
Another call that requested to speak with a pharmacist:
Caller: What's on your four dollar list?
Spiffy: My what?
Caller: You know, your four dollar list?
Spiffy: No, I don't know.
I have to admit that I was playing dumb. Some pharmacies that are even more evil than Corpopharm have a big list of generic medications that they subsidize themselves and sell for four dollars for a month supply. Fortunately my particular chain doesn't participate in this farce. The person on the phone wanted to know everything that was on it. A stupid question gets you a stupid answer.
Caller: You mean you don't know anything about the four dollar list?
Spiffy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
*Click*
I returned to my home pharmacy yesterday after being on holiday doing overnights. I was greeted by loving remarks and warm embraces from my technicians.
Smiley: Spiffy, you're dead to me.
Spiffy: Miss me, huh?
Apparently some of the floater pharmacists inhabiting my pharmacy have been less than desirable. Like it's my fault.
Anyway, my partner had some ground breaking news for me on the status of the CII counts. CIIs are a type of controlled substance that we keep a running inventory on to be sure that nothing goes missing. Federal law requires that a paper trail of each and every little pill is kept, so it's pretty easy to figure out when and where you went wrong, if you indeed did. My partner informed me that the counts were off by a few bottles on 2 different drugs and that she wasn't sure why. She stated that the inventory book showed a different quantity that what was actually on the shelf. I assured her I would look into it at the first opportunity.
Tonight I pulled the order records. Here's what I found:
1. In both instances, my partner ordered each drug herself.
2. In both instances, my partner signed for each drug when it arrived.
3. In both instances, my partner put the drug away herself in the CII cabinet.
4. In both instances, my partner was unable to perform rudimentary addition.
Welcome to Corpopharm.
_______________________________
A phone call from today with the concerned party requesting to speak to a pharmacist. They waited on hold 3 minutes.
Ohhold: Are you a pharmacist?
Spiffy: Yes.
Onhold: How much does this drug cost?
Spiffy: You know, any one of my technicians could have helped you with that.
Onhold: Your what?
Spiffy: *Sigh*. What medication is it?
Another call that requested to speak with a pharmacist:
Caller: What's on your four dollar list?
Spiffy: My what?
Caller: You know, your four dollar list?
Spiffy: No, I don't know.
I have to admit that I was playing dumb. Some pharmacies that are even more evil than Corpopharm have a big list of generic medications that they subsidize themselves and sell for four dollars for a month supply. Fortunately my particular chain doesn't participate in this farce. The person on the phone wanted to know everything that was on it. A stupid question gets you a stupid answer.
Caller: You mean you don't know anything about the four dollar list?
Spiffy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
*Click*
18 July 2008
Spiffy Works Extra, Gets Paid Less
Last night should have been great. It wasn't. It started off pretty busy for a Thursday night, with about five people coming in all at once with urgent (!) scripts for 15 Vicodin. All from the same facility and doctor since it's 11:30 on the Thursday evening. How they all get out of the ER at the same time I don't know. They must discharge them in droves, like cattle. I can see it now: The triage nurse releases the hordes with their $500 bills and scripts for 15 little pain pills. She cries,
'To Corpopharm! It lies 5 blocks south of here. Make haste, you heathen whelps!'
One of the patients had an exception and needed Xopenex, which is albuterol but fancier and, consequently, not covered by her insurance. My tech was good enough to call the doctor to see if we could switch it to generic albuterol, which would be covered. The doctor replied that albuterol would not cut it and that the patient needed Duoneb, which is albuterol... plus another ingredient. WTF?!? I was tempted to get on the phone and ask doctor if he knew what the hell he was prescribing, but decided to get to work on the 4 other people that were growing restless and mugging me from the waiting area.
I finally got everybody taken care of and out the door by about 1 AM. The faithful Corpopharm herd gets paid on Thursday evening, so I got on my phone to check my direct deposit. I was really curious to see this paycheck because it covered the last 2 weeks of overnights that I worked. 14 days straight, tons of hours. This means it should have been BIG. It wasn't. It was about the same as most of my paychecks. I stopped at my normal pharmacy on my way home to get the pay stub to start the dispute. The pay stub was not there either. Cut to Corpopharm boardroom at corporate headquarters.
VP: Uh, sir? We've got this issue with one of the pharmacists in the field. He's pulling some major hours and really helping us out of a jam. We need you to approve his pay differential. You know, keep the guy happy.
CEO: Hmmmm....
VP: Sir?
CEO: What if we... don't?
VP: Sir? Don't what?
CEO: Give him the money. What then?
VP: But Sir, we can't...
CEO: Can't!?! I'm the CEO, I can do what I want!
VP: But Sir, he's got the pay stub and of course he'll...
CEO: Pay stub? (CEO pulls Spiffy's pay stub from the inner pocket of his suit. He produces a lighter and puts flame to the paper, instantly igniting it.) What pay stub?
VP: Ah! I see...
CEO: Let him take this up with HR. They're a third party located in Manila. They don't care anyway!
VP: HA! I don't even know where Manila is!
CEO: MWWAAAAAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
'To Corpopharm! It lies 5 blocks south of here. Make haste, you heathen whelps!'
One of the patients had an exception and needed Xopenex, which is albuterol but fancier and, consequently, not covered by her insurance. My tech was good enough to call the doctor to see if we could switch it to generic albuterol, which would be covered. The doctor replied that albuterol would not cut it and that the patient needed Duoneb, which is albuterol... plus another ingredient. WTF?!? I was tempted to get on the phone and ask doctor if he knew what the hell he was prescribing, but decided to get to work on the 4 other people that were growing restless and mugging me from the waiting area.
I finally got everybody taken care of and out the door by about 1 AM. The faithful Corpopharm herd gets paid on Thursday evening, so I got on my phone to check my direct deposit. I was really curious to see this paycheck because it covered the last 2 weeks of overnights that I worked. 14 days straight, tons of hours. This means it should have been BIG. It wasn't. It was about the same as most of my paychecks. I stopped at my normal pharmacy on my way home to get the pay stub to start the dispute. The pay stub was not there either. Cut to Corpopharm boardroom at corporate headquarters.
VP: Uh, sir? We've got this issue with one of the pharmacists in the field. He's pulling some major hours and really helping us out of a jam. We need you to approve his pay differential. You know, keep the guy happy.
CEO: Hmmmm....
VP: Sir?
CEO: What if we... don't?
VP: Sir? Don't what?
CEO: Give him the money. What then?
VP: But Sir, we can't...
CEO: Can't!?! I'm the CEO, I can do what I want!
VP: But Sir, he's got the pay stub and of course he'll...
CEO: Pay stub? (CEO pulls Spiffy's pay stub from the inner pocket of his suit. He produces a lighter and puts flame to the paper, instantly igniting it.) What pay stub?
VP: Ah! I see...
CEO: Let him take this up with HR. They're a third party located in Manila. They don't care anyway!
VP: HA! I don't even know where Manila is!
CEO: MWWAAAAAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
17 July 2008
Corpopharm Currency Conundrum
A man stopped into the pharmacy to pick up his medication at 5:00 this morning. He had one arm in a cast and sling, thus had to make some effort to fish the cash out of his wallet to pay for his script.
As I was making change for him, I had to break a role of pennies to get him a couple odd cents. I was in mid swing to break the role when he interjected.
Guy: I don't need the pennies.
Me: Oh, that's OK, I've already got the role broke open. Here you go.
Guy: No. I don't want the pennies. I'll take the silver coins, not the pennies.
Huh? Mind you, I had already put the two pennies with the rest of the change and was attempting to hand them to him. He looked at me like I was trying to hand him a dead baby instead of some change.
Me: But... I've already got them right here...
Guy: I don't care what you do with them, I don't want them.
I must have been missing something. The man did accept a nickel as part of his change, which was a mere 3 cents more than the 2 pennies he would not take. I wonder if I had turned the nickel into pennies if he would have accepted that.
This all comes 4 days after I started a change jar at the 24 hour Corpopharm I've been subbing at. They didn't have one, and people leave change laying around all the time. I would have put the pennies in that if one of the front store managers hadn't posted a big sign in the pharmacy after seeing the change jar. It reads:
'Team! We cannot have a change jar for change left at the register or lying around the store. The change must be rung up at the register as a non-taxable item and put in the cash drawer. Put the receipt under the drawer with the refunds. Please see me with questions. Thank you.'
Seriously?!? Apparently Corpopharm's policy on loose change is not finders-keepers, it's big brother breaks your legs and steals your piggy bank. I hate people a little bit more today. Just for that, I'm going to start stealing change from the register every night when I get bored. There's no one there to see me do it anyway.
As I was making change for him, I had to break a role of pennies to get him a couple odd cents. I was in mid swing to break the role when he interjected.
Guy: I don't need the pennies.
Me: Oh, that's OK, I've already got the role broke open. Here you go.
Guy: No. I don't want the pennies. I'll take the silver coins, not the pennies.
Huh? Mind you, I had already put the two pennies with the rest of the change and was attempting to hand them to him. He looked at me like I was trying to hand him a dead baby instead of some change.
Me: But... I've already got them right here...
Guy: I don't care what you do with them, I don't want them.
I must have been missing something. The man did accept a nickel as part of his change, which was a mere 3 cents more than the 2 pennies he would not take. I wonder if I had turned the nickel into pennies if he would have accepted that.
This all comes 4 days after I started a change jar at the 24 hour Corpopharm I've been subbing at. They didn't have one, and people leave change laying around all the time. I would have put the pennies in that if one of the front store managers hadn't posted a big sign in the pharmacy after seeing the change jar. It reads:
'Team! We cannot have a change jar for change left at the register or lying around the store. The change must be rung up at the register as a non-taxable item and put in the cash drawer. Put the receipt under the drawer with the refunds. Please see me with questions. Thank you.'
Seriously?!? Apparently Corpopharm's policy on loose change is not finders-keepers, it's big brother breaks your legs and steals your piggy bank. I hate people a little bit more today. Just for that, I'm going to start stealing change from the register every night when I get bored. There's no one there to see me do it anyway.
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