Here's the deal. The Domincan Republic is pretty poor compared to American standards. If what I'm told is correct, Haiti is even worse. These people will naturally take any opportunity to make a buck, and American tourists look like big, fat, white piggy banks to them. Unless it's day 2 of the vacation, in which case they look like a red piggy banks.
So, when you're down there on your expensive all inclusive vacation, they take the opportunity to squeeze even more green out of you. The most common form of this is solicitors that hang out on the beach and try to get you to sign up for parasailing, boating excursions and in my case, illicit drugs.
So, if you're down in the Dominican and looking to score, here's a few tips:
1. See the guys carying around the folders with parasailing/banana boat/snorkeling trip information? They sell drugs. All of them. Even if you don't see them, they see you, and will be harassing you every hour you're on the beach. Just listen for the guy yelling, "Looky looky! Cheapy Cheapy!"
2. Don't speak in code. Most of these guys don't know English very well, and if you ask them for an ounce of their stickiest kind you may get something you're not bargaining for. Weed is weed and cocaine is cocaine, you old degenerate.
3. When negotiating price, pay no more than $75 USD for 7 grams of weed or 1 gram of coke. Just because these guys live in huts doesn't mean you can come right out and lowball them. Have some respect, white boy!
4. Even better than buying from a beach vendor is buying from hotel staff. Hotel staff need to protect their reputation, not to mention their turf. Buying from the hotel staff will ensure you not only get quality swag, but protection from police should you be caught in the act. As one staff member of a neighboring resort informed me, the local police could be bought for as little as $2 USD, or maybe $5 if he was having a bad day. Not bad, gringo!
5. Hablas Espanol! Even if you're not fluent, a few Spanish phrases will help break the ice with your new amigo and show him you mean business. Just don't get carried away and accidentally tell him he's got a funny face, or he'll slit your throat and drag you into the surf. Que lastima!
6. Make sure you get all your partying done before you head back to the airport. Those drug dogs are only sleepy if they don't smell that half ounce you decided to save. Down boy.
There you have it. Just because you have to pass a customs inspection doesn't mean your tropical vacation has to be lame (sober).
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