The career of pharmacy exposes the pharmacist to such a constant barrage of idiocy that I fear we begin to get desensitized. I know that I don't write about many of the types of things I used to simply because I'm so used to them. It's a sad day when all the stupid starts to seem normal, but it's the plain truth.
The phone rang at about 2 AM. That's usually when I'm sitting down to lunch, and last night was no exception. The woman on the line stated that needed a recommendation on pain medication.
Woman: I just had surgery and am experiencing some pain. Ummm, can you tell me what I can take?
Me: Your doctor didn't send you home with a prescription for pain medication?
Woman: I'm not at home, I'm in the hospital.
Me: Sorry?
Admittedly, I was a bit nonplussed. In fact, I was quite sure I was completely misunderstanding the entire situation.
Me: I'm sorry, I think I misunderstood. Did you say you're still in the hospital?
Woman: Yes, I'm still here but I'm in pain. I need to know what medication I can take.
I was completely speechless. I've been at a loss for words at work before, but this time it was as though I'd been lobotomized. I just sat there like an idiot until she started talking again, at which point I managed to formulate some questions.
Me: So you're still at the hospital?
Woman: Yes.
Me: You're admitted? You're not sitting in a waiting room or something?
Woman: Yes.
Me: (long pause) So, why aren't you asking your nurse or a doctor about this?
Woman: Well, I'm allergic to some pain medications, and I just need to know what to ask for.
Me: Are your doctors aware of your medication allergies?
Woman: Yes.
Me: Ma'am, if you're admitted to the care of a hospital staff, they are the ones in charge of your medication therapy. They decide what is appropriate for you to take. I am not part of that team, and I can't make recommendations on a situation to which I am uninformed.
Woman: Well, what pain medications has my husband gotten lately? Can I take those?
Just picture this situation. This woman went to a hospital, had surgery, and then started making calls to Corpopharm in the middle of the night while she was still in the hospital trying to get me to tell her what pain medication she needed. I would put that on par with the last time I saw a dog eat it's own vomit, with a few extra points to the dog for trying to recycle.
Me: Ma'am, you can't take your husbands medications, or anything that has been prescribed to someone else for that matter.
Woman: Well, I just don't know what to do.
I guess it must be a bitch to have to decide what medication you're going to take on a whim. I mean, it's not like she was in a place surrounded by health care professionals that could make immediate interventions armed with with complete knowledge of her current medical situation. Why not call the night pharmacist down the street who's totally ignorant of her recent surgery and any other medical interventions?
I think I'll go visit her today and bring a handful of the biggest, most colorful pills in the pharmacy that I can find. I'm going to make her promise not to tell her doctors, though, because they clearly don't know what they're doing. I'm done.
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