The phone rang. I expect the worst every time the phone rings. Sassy answered the call and spoke for a seconds.
Sassy: Spiffy, this lady on the phone says that she wants to know of something else her kid can take for allergies. She says he's taking Singulair and that she's afraid it will make him want to kill himself.
You may have heard in the news lately that the FDA is initiating studies investigating Singulair and suicide risk in children. I got on the phone.
Mom: Yeah, I want to know if there's anything else that my kid can take for his allergies.
Having just got on the phone, I played dumb.
Me: Anything else? Other than what?
Mom: Right now he's taking Singulair.
Me: Is he having any problems with it?
Mom: No.
Me: So why do you want to switch?
Mom: I heard something about kids taking it and then comiting suicide.
Me: Where did you hear that?
Mom: Ummm... I saw something about it on Youtube.
I thought back to my first semester of pharmacy school. I was attempting to search Pubmed for some primary literature when an instructor saw me and gave me a little talk. 'Spiffy, Spiffy' she said. 'Why waste time searching for unbiased, randomized, controlled trials when you can just use Youtube?' she asked. 'Why, just type in your keywords and you'll have hundreds of thousands of videos to choose from. Look, kitties!'
I'm sure you can find drug information on Youtube. Do you know what else you can find? Dramatic Prairie Dog Vs. Machine Gun Cat. You can also watch people getting hit in genitals. How informative.
This is the problem with the general public. They read the newspaper or watch the news and suddenly think they can make informed decisions about their medications, not to mention a myriad of other subjects they don't know shit about. The same thing happened a few months ago when the Enhance trial showed that taking Zetia in combination with Zocor didn't decrease a certain cardiovascular health risk. Another phone call:
Old guy: I just saw on the TV that Zetia is banned!!!
Me: Uh, nope. It's still here.
Old guy: No it isn't! The TV says it's illegal now!
Me: I have a bottle in my hand. I'm a pharmacist. Don't you think I would know about this?
Please, please, please don't make decisions about your health care based on the evening news.
09 April 2008
07 April 2008
Wrong
I get told I'm wrong or that I've made a horrible mistake almost every day. That is not an exaggeration.
I overheard the argument start at my drive through today between one of my technicians and a pharmacy patron. After a while, Sassy invited the man to speak with the PIC (pharmacist in charge). From listening in, I got the picture that they didn't share the same world view.
Sassy: Spiffy, this guy says that he came by on Saturday after the pharmacy closed and that they were supposed to be holding his Rx at the front of the store.
Me: Oh dear.
I took the phone from her (at our drive through, there is no opening in the window and you have to communicate through handsets). The patron told me the same thing that Sassy just told me.
Me: I think there was a communication error. Once the pharmacy closes and the pharmacist leaves, no medications can be dispensed. That's the law. We never keep scripts anywhere but the pharmacy.
Patron: You're wrong.
I have to admire him, he cut right through the bullshit and told me exactly what he thought. This didn't make him any less crazy in my book. I had absolutely nothing to say for a few seconds.
Me: Uhhh... Like I said, we don't keep any scripts up front. I don't know who told you that, but we've never done that and never will.
Patron: You're wrong. I went up there and asked them for my script on Saturday, and the girl up there checked through a whole pile of 'em that were sitting there waiting to be picked up!
This guy was taking it ever further now, suggesting that not only his script had been taken from the pharmacy after closing, but many other scripts had also left the pharmacy. I performed a cursory visual examination of his car, looking for empty liquor bottles, crack pipes, anything that would explain his hallucination. There was nothing. The thing he was suggesting was ludicrous. Pharmacy law strictly states that no medication may be dispensed when the pharmacist is not present. Any pharmacist allowing such a thing would lose their license faster than Brittany Spears' credibility.
Me: I don't know what to tell you.
Patron: Do I need to talk to the Bob about this?
Bob is the front store manager of the corpopharm where I work. He has about as much jurisdiction over the pharmacy as the Pope does over Yankee Stadium. This guy apparently knows him. Some of the regulars at my corpopharm think that since they know Bob that their treatment in the pharmacy will somehow be upgraded. I have no idea why. I love it when people threaten me with talking to manager. One reason is the manager is not even my boss. The other is that no one governs the action of a pharmacist other than the state board of pharmacy and laws created thereby. God himself can come down from heaven and tell me to fill a script, but that doesn't mean it will happen.
Me: You're more than welcome to talk to Bob, but he's going to tell you the same thing I just did.
The guy just threw his hand up and drove away. Another satisfied customer. I think I deserve a raise.
I overheard the argument start at my drive through today between one of my technicians and a pharmacy patron. After a while, Sassy invited the man to speak with the PIC (pharmacist in charge). From listening in, I got the picture that they didn't share the same world view.
Sassy: Spiffy, this guy says that he came by on Saturday after the pharmacy closed and that they were supposed to be holding his Rx at the front of the store.
Me: Oh dear.
I took the phone from her (at our drive through, there is no opening in the window and you have to communicate through handsets). The patron told me the same thing that Sassy just told me.
Me: I think there was a communication error. Once the pharmacy closes and the pharmacist leaves, no medications can be dispensed. That's the law. We never keep scripts anywhere but the pharmacy.
Patron: You're wrong.
I have to admire him, he cut right through the bullshit and told me exactly what he thought. This didn't make him any less crazy in my book. I had absolutely nothing to say for a few seconds.
Me: Uhhh... Like I said, we don't keep any scripts up front. I don't know who told you that, but we've never done that and never will.
Patron: You're wrong. I went up there and asked them for my script on Saturday, and the girl up there checked through a whole pile of 'em that were sitting there waiting to be picked up!
This guy was taking it ever further now, suggesting that not only his script had been taken from the pharmacy after closing, but many other scripts had also left the pharmacy. I performed a cursory visual examination of his car, looking for empty liquor bottles, crack pipes, anything that would explain his hallucination. There was nothing. The thing he was suggesting was ludicrous. Pharmacy law strictly states that no medication may be dispensed when the pharmacist is not present. Any pharmacist allowing such a thing would lose their license faster than Brittany Spears' credibility.
Me: I don't know what to tell you.
Patron: Do I need to talk to the Bob about this?
Bob is the front store manager of the corpopharm where I work. He has about as much jurisdiction over the pharmacy as the Pope does over Yankee Stadium. This guy apparently knows him. Some of the regulars at my corpopharm think that since they know Bob that their treatment in the pharmacy will somehow be upgraded. I have no idea why. I love it when people threaten me with talking to manager. One reason is the manager is not even my boss. The other is that no one governs the action of a pharmacist other than the state board of pharmacy and laws created thereby. God himself can come down from heaven and tell me to fill a script, but that doesn't mean it will happen.
Me: You're more than welcome to talk to Bob, but he's going to tell you the same thing I just did.
The guy just threw his hand up and drove away. Another satisfied customer. I think I deserve a raise.
04 April 2008
Grandma's Strep Throat Prevention Happy Fun Time
A grandma approached me at work the other day. One of her grandchildren had strep throat. She was 5000 percent sure the other grandchild was going to get it and came to me for a recommendation.
Grandma: Hey! Hey! My gran-baby has strep and I can't have the other gettin' it. I can give 'em some Tylenol and that'll keep 'em from gettin' it, right?
Me: No, ma'am, Tylenol will not stop your grandchild from getting strep throat. Also, just because one of them has it doesn't mean the other will get it. The Tylenol will help for the throat soreness, though.
She said nothing for a few seconds. Her eyes narrowed skeptically.
Grandma: So, Tylenol, right?
Me: No, ma'am. There is nothing made to prevent strep throat. Just make sure the sick child isn't getting in direct contact with the other child, keep them from getting mucus on each other...
Grandma (cutting me off): Well, I got the kids this weekend and if I take 'em back to Mom sick she's goan' be all pissed at me. What am I supposed to do?
It's at this point of the conversation with brick walls like Grandma that you have to make a judgment call. You tell them what they want to hear, or repeat your last statement and walk away. I'm willing to let most people talk themselves into anything. When a minor's health who is under the supervision of a guardian is at risk, I usually try harder.
Me: Listen: if your sick grandchild has strep, she needs antibiotics. Go the the doctor and get an Rx. If your other grandchild is not yet sick, keep them apart as much as possible and you should be fine. Excuse me, I have a call from a doctor I need to take.
Using the old doctor call excuse is a great way to get out of conversations. She wandered away. About 10 minutes later I saw her in the child care section looking at the liquid Tylenol products.
Grandma: Hey! Hey! My gran-baby has strep and I can't have the other gettin' it. I can give 'em some Tylenol and that'll keep 'em from gettin' it, right?
Me: No, ma'am, Tylenol will not stop your grandchild from getting strep throat. Also, just because one of them has it doesn't mean the other will get it. The Tylenol will help for the throat soreness, though.
She said nothing for a few seconds. Her eyes narrowed skeptically.
Grandma: So, Tylenol, right?
Me: No, ma'am. There is nothing made to prevent strep throat. Just make sure the sick child isn't getting in direct contact with the other child, keep them from getting mucus on each other...
Grandma (cutting me off): Well, I got the kids this weekend and if I take 'em back to Mom sick she's goan' be all pissed at me. What am I supposed to do?
It's at this point of the conversation with brick walls like Grandma that you have to make a judgment call. You tell them what they want to hear, or repeat your last statement and walk away. I'm willing to let most people talk themselves into anything. When a minor's health who is under the supervision of a guardian is at risk, I usually try harder.
Me: Listen: if your sick grandchild has strep, she needs antibiotics. Go the the doctor and get an Rx. If your other grandchild is not yet sick, keep them apart as much as possible and you should be fine. Excuse me, I have a call from a doctor I need to take.
Using the old doctor call excuse is a great way to get out of conversations. She wandered away. About 10 minutes later I saw her in the child care section looking at the liquid Tylenol products.
28 March 2008
Dream
Last night I dreamed that there was a more dire need for pharmacists than ever before... in space. I signed up without hesitation. I was real sad to be leaving my family and friends, but I guess I needed to see how long Martians thought they should have to wait for their script.
I also dreamed that I drove my car into a lake and nearly drowned escaping. When my mom paid to have it rescued for me, the rescue crew returned a pile of corpses instead of my car.
I also dreamed a kitty latched onto me with it's claws and would not let go.
I have no idea.
I also dreamed that I drove my car into a lake and nearly drowned escaping. When my mom paid to have it rescued for me, the rescue crew returned a pile of corpses instead of my car.
I also dreamed a kitty latched onto me with it's claws and would not let go.
I have no idea.
26 March 2008
Spiffy Sleeps In; Receives Boon
I slept in today. Glorious. The problem with sleeping in today was that I was scheduled to open the pharmacy at 8 AM. I got a call from my store manager at 8:15 AM.
Manager: Spiffy, who's at the pharmacy this morning? We don't have a pharmacist.
Me: Huh? Wait... What?
It took a few seconds to clear the cobwebs, but I soon realized that I had made a small temporal error. My schedule got rearranged 3 times this week, and I apparently forgot to update my calendar for the last one.
Me: Shit. Shit shit shit. I'll be right there.
As I reside very close to my Apothecary Kingdom, I was able to shower, dress, and be there in 15 minutes. I had the pharmacy open by 8:30, which I thought was admirable. The day went by without much incident. The day manager stated a few complaints about the pharmacy not being open on time, which I expected.
What unfolded later on in the day was decidedly unexpected. I left work at 4 PM and received a call from Giggles at 4:30. I figured the pharmacy opening a half hour late for the first time in a year wouldn't be a big deal. Apparently, my patients don't seem to think so.
Giggles: Spiffy, YourBoss just called and said corporate has gotten like 5 complaints about the pharmacy opening late this morning. One of them was from TheAsshole, and he's threatening to transfer his scripts or something.
Me: Really? Sweet!
Let me tell you about TheAsshole. He comes to the drive through on a weekly basis. He drops off new prescriptions and expects to sit there at the drive through until they're finished. When you explain to him that the drive through is only for the purpose of dropping off scripts and picking them up, he goes into a fit of histrionics that would make a 13 year old girl jealous. He treats everyone at the pharmacy like his personal servant.
As for the complaints, I'm baffled. In the first half hour my pharmacy is open, I almost never see 5 people total. As far as complaints go, you would figure that maybe 1 in 5 people would actually take the trouble to call corporate to bitch. That would mean that either 25 people came to my pharmacy this morning or all 5 that did called to gripe. I'm just not buying it.
Here's a few samples of the actual complaints that the corporate office received:
1. I stopped at the pharmacy at 8:05 and it was not open. I could not get my medicashin.
Medicashin? Medicashin?!? Forget the medicashin, you nede spelleeng lessunz.
2. The pharmacy was not open on time this morning. Are you closing?
Yes, that's just it. No notification, no official announcement, we're just closing up shop. We've had a good run, though.
I think I need to do this more often. Not only did I get to sleep in, I pissed off TheAsshole enough that he might leave the pharmacy forever. Everybody wins! Well, not everybody, but I do.
Manager: Spiffy, who's at the pharmacy this morning? We don't have a pharmacist.
Me: Huh? Wait... What?
It took a few seconds to clear the cobwebs, but I soon realized that I had made a small temporal error. My schedule got rearranged 3 times this week, and I apparently forgot to update my calendar for the last one.
Me: Shit. Shit shit shit. I'll be right there.
As I reside very close to my Apothecary Kingdom, I was able to shower, dress, and be there in 15 minutes. I had the pharmacy open by 8:30, which I thought was admirable. The day went by without much incident. The day manager stated a few complaints about the pharmacy not being open on time, which I expected.
What unfolded later on in the day was decidedly unexpected. I left work at 4 PM and received a call from Giggles at 4:30. I figured the pharmacy opening a half hour late for the first time in a year wouldn't be a big deal. Apparently, my patients don't seem to think so.
Giggles: Spiffy, YourBoss just called and said corporate has gotten like 5 complaints about the pharmacy opening late this morning. One of them was from TheAsshole, and he's threatening to transfer his scripts or something.
Me: Really? Sweet!
Let me tell you about TheAsshole. He comes to the drive through on a weekly basis. He drops off new prescriptions and expects to sit there at the drive through until they're finished. When you explain to him that the drive through is only for the purpose of dropping off scripts and picking them up, he goes into a fit of histrionics that would make a 13 year old girl jealous. He treats everyone at the pharmacy like his personal servant.
As for the complaints, I'm baffled. In the first half hour my pharmacy is open, I almost never see 5 people total. As far as complaints go, you would figure that maybe 1 in 5 people would actually take the trouble to call corporate to bitch. That would mean that either 25 people came to my pharmacy this morning or all 5 that did called to gripe. I'm just not buying it.
Here's a few samples of the actual complaints that the corporate office received:
1. I stopped at the pharmacy at 8:05 and it was not open. I could not get my medicashin.
Medicashin? Medicashin?!? Forget the medicashin, you nede spelleeng lessunz.
2. The pharmacy was not open on time this morning. Are you closing?
Yes, that's just it. No notification, no official announcement, we're just closing up shop. We've had a good run, though.
I think I need to do this more often. Not only did I get to sleep in, I pissed off TheAsshole enough that he might leave the pharmacy forever. Everybody wins! Well, not everybody, but I do.
23 March 2008
Slap Happy
One unifying fact of humans is that they do stupid things when they become intoxicated. By these acts they are entertained.
I went out with some friends last night to a new bar after work on Saturday. The bar itself was really great. It has two sections: one with a live Irish band with tiered seating and another with an old style pub where it's more quiet. The pub section is the sort of place where you can just sit at the bar, drink and be angry. If you're into that sort of thing.
My friends and I were watching the band and trying to drink the place out of whiskey. I kept hearing this loud banging sound at a table behind me and eventually started watching the table to see what was going on.
A group of firemen was occupying the table that seemed to be emitting noises. You could tell they were firemen because they had on these dress uniforms with badges on them. I guess they're the type of dress uniform they wear to formal functions, funerals, or the occasional bar adventure.
I soon learned the source of the auditory disturbance. Keep in mind that the band was fairly loud in this bar, and to be heard you had to yell or get close to the person you were speaking to. The firemen decided it would be a lark to take advantage of this and make a little game for themselves. They poured a big puddle of Guinness on the middle of the table. Whenever two people on the other side leaned far enough in, one of them would slam an open palm right into the middle of the puddle and give them a face-full of the dark stuff.
Not only was this game not fun for the people receiving beer shower, it was not fun to most of the people surrounding the table. I even noticed a few sprinkles of delicious Guinness on my shirt and I was a good 30 feet away from the action. The firemen actually got away with acting like 5 year olds for a good 15 minutes before the bouncers intervened. They were not pleased.
__________________________________
This morning a young woman was standing in front of the pharmacy as I approached to start the day's pill counting action. At my Corpopharm the store opens at 8 AM on Sunday, but the pharmacy doesn't open until 10 AM. I don't bother going in early on Sunday. Once people see someone in the pharmacy they immediately feel the urge to get retarded.
I was not even done unlocking the gate when the girl engaged me.
Girl: Do you sell the morning after pill?
Me: Yes. The pharmacy isn't open yet.
Girl: I know. I just wanted to check!
The girl just stood out front staring at me with this stupid nervous grin on her face as I went about the hallowed ritual of Starting The Apothecary. I kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn't going to attempt an impromptu abortion right then and there.
Normally when people ask me for the morning after pill, I all but make them take it on the spot. After dealing with the mongoloids that I experience on a daily basis, I feel the shit should be ground up and put in the drinking water. So, I didn't delay in getting her Plan B as soon as I got the computers turned on and the front gate opened.
Girl: Is it OK if I pay in ones?
I'm sure I pulled funny face, but I just couldn't help it. Plan B, the wonderful morning after pill, costs $50. This girl wanted to pay in singles. What line of work do you suppose she was in?
I went out with some friends last night to a new bar after work on Saturday. The bar itself was really great. It has two sections: one with a live Irish band with tiered seating and another with an old style pub where it's more quiet. The pub section is the sort of place where you can just sit at the bar, drink and be angry. If you're into that sort of thing.
My friends and I were watching the band and trying to drink the place out of whiskey. I kept hearing this loud banging sound at a table behind me and eventually started watching the table to see what was going on.
A group of firemen was occupying the table that seemed to be emitting noises. You could tell they were firemen because they had on these dress uniforms with badges on them. I guess they're the type of dress uniform they wear to formal functions, funerals, or the occasional bar adventure.
I soon learned the source of the auditory disturbance. Keep in mind that the band was fairly loud in this bar, and to be heard you had to yell or get close to the person you were speaking to. The firemen decided it would be a lark to take advantage of this and make a little game for themselves. They poured a big puddle of Guinness on the middle of the table. Whenever two people on the other side leaned far enough in, one of them would slam an open palm right into the middle of the puddle and give them a face-full of the dark stuff.
Not only was this game not fun for the people receiving beer shower, it was not fun to most of the people surrounding the table. I even noticed a few sprinkles of delicious Guinness on my shirt and I was a good 30 feet away from the action. The firemen actually got away with acting like 5 year olds for a good 15 minutes before the bouncers intervened. They were not pleased.
__________________________________
This morning a young woman was standing in front of the pharmacy as I approached to start the day's pill counting action. At my Corpopharm the store opens at 8 AM on Sunday, but the pharmacy doesn't open until 10 AM. I don't bother going in early on Sunday. Once people see someone in the pharmacy they immediately feel the urge to get retarded.
I was not even done unlocking the gate when the girl engaged me.
Girl: Do you sell the morning after pill?
Me: Yes. The pharmacy isn't open yet.
Girl: I know. I just wanted to check!
The girl just stood out front staring at me with this stupid nervous grin on her face as I went about the hallowed ritual of Starting The Apothecary. I kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn't going to attempt an impromptu abortion right then and there.
Normally when people ask me for the morning after pill, I all but make them take it on the spot. After dealing with the mongoloids that I experience on a daily basis, I feel the shit should be ground up and put in the drinking water. So, I didn't delay in getting her Plan B as soon as I got the computers turned on and the front gate opened.
Girl: Is it OK if I pay in ones?
I'm sure I pulled funny face, but I just couldn't help it. Plan B, the wonderful morning after pill, costs $50. This girl wanted to pay in singles. What line of work do you suppose she was in?
20 March 2008
Most Wednesdays I work at my pharmacy all day. Open to close. 14 blessed hours.
The first episode occurred fairly early on in the day. This instance allows me to elucidate on a theory that I've been hypothesizing since the beginning of my pharmacy career. People who do crazy shit at the end of the day (i.e., 5 PM or later) may have just been having a bad day. People who do crazy shit at the beginning of the day (noon or earlier) are just fucking crazy. Or stoned. That's an ever-present possibility in the apothecary world.
A man approached the pick-up area of my pharmacy this morning around 10-ish. His appearance was slightly disheveled. Read: crazy.
Giggles: Do you have an Rx to pick up?
Crazy: No.
Just no. No explanation, no further elaboration, just no. Crazy continued to stand in front of the counter, wobbling a bit and emitting crazy rays to anyone in the surrounding area. I stood aghast.
Giggles stared at the creature until it decided to communicate further. It had a pair of reading glasses in it's hand, and was eying them as though they had just grown arms.
Crazy: The price musta gone up 2 or 3 times since I last looked! That's kinda fuckin' greedy!
Giggles' face dropped. That reaction was unnexpected, to say the least.
Our new creature wandered back to the eyeglasses display. At this point, both Giggles and I were watching raptly. It took the reading glasses it held and returned them to the display with an authoritative 'slam'. It began pulling other pairs, seemingly regardless of their strengths, off the display at random and quickly holding them up to it's eyes.
Crazy: No. Fuckin' greedy. No. Fuckin' greedy: NO! FU....
This carried on for less than a minute, but will stretch on into eternity in my mind. I think the Reading Glass Lunatic was looking for the magic pair of spectacles that would make it sane again. Just imagine it: you're in the pharmacy getting your birth control or cough medicine or whatever and suddenly this sodden oaf just starts tossing F-bombs and wrecking the merchandise. It's a toss up between calling the cops and just strangling the poor thing.
After playing optometrist for a good four minutes, Crazy just up and left. I wonder how it decided...
The first episode occurred fairly early on in the day. This instance allows me to elucidate on a theory that I've been hypothesizing since the beginning of my pharmacy career. People who do crazy shit at the end of the day (i.e., 5 PM or later) may have just been having a bad day. People who do crazy shit at the beginning of the day (noon or earlier) are just fucking crazy. Or stoned. That's an ever-present possibility in the apothecary world.
A man approached the pick-up area of my pharmacy this morning around 10-ish. His appearance was slightly disheveled. Read: crazy.
Giggles: Do you have an Rx to pick up?
Crazy: No.
Just no. No explanation, no further elaboration, just no. Crazy continued to stand in front of the counter, wobbling a bit and emitting crazy rays to anyone in the surrounding area. I stood aghast.
Giggles stared at the creature until it decided to communicate further. It had a pair of reading glasses in it's hand, and was eying them as though they had just grown arms.
Crazy: The price musta gone up 2 or 3 times since I last looked! That's kinda fuckin' greedy!
Giggles' face dropped. That reaction was unnexpected, to say the least.
Our new creature wandered back to the eyeglasses display. At this point, both Giggles and I were watching raptly. It took the reading glasses it held and returned them to the display with an authoritative 'slam'. It began pulling other pairs, seemingly regardless of their strengths, off the display at random and quickly holding them up to it's eyes.
Crazy: No. Fuckin' greedy. No. Fuckin' greedy: NO! FU....
This carried on for less than a minute, but will stretch on into eternity in my mind. I think the Reading Glass Lunatic was looking for the magic pair of spectacles that would make it sane again. Just imagine it: you're in the pharmacy getting your birth control or cough medicine or whatever and suddenly this sodden oaf just starts tossing F-bombs and wrecking the merchandise. It's a toss up between calling the cops and just strangling the poor thing.
After playing optometrist for a good four minutes, Crazy just up and left. I wonder how it decided...
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