Missouri hates me

Imagine that you've completed a professional program that you've invested seven (7) years of your life in. That's approximately ten percent of the average American's lifespan. Not exactly chicken dirt. To become qualified to perform duties of said profession, you must pass an exam created by a regulatory commission that was created to govern said profession. These people do not practice pharmacy.

Question #1: Patient A shows up with a script for BrandName that hasn't been used for 50 years. What do you do?
A. Fill the script as written
B. Choose option B that sounds plausible yet somehow still terribly wrong
C. Take the break that you don't get
D. What the shit...

Yes, I realized this question was flawed myself. Even without all my fancy schooling, one would realize that this is clearly besides the point. You see, when working in the happy little pill room, you may check on details such as brand name/generic name whenever you happen to not know which is which. It doesn't mean you're a bad pharmacist, it just means you haven't memorized that particular nugget of truth yet. Happens to the best of us. However, when taking a board exam, you may not walk back to the shelf and see what the brand name is for the drug that the 3000 year old MD wrote for that nobody uses anymore. You should have memorized it, just like the other 2,000 drugs you have on your shelf. Oh, and also various interactions, contraindications, monitoring parameters, dosage forms, dosages, schedules, generic substitutions and , yada yada yada.

That's the reason you went to graduate school. Memorizing useless facts is really what you should be doing with your higher education. Shit, that's much easier to test people on. Concepts are for suckers.

And behold, for there stood walls as an affront to God Himself...

Well, I don't know if they're an affront to God, but there are definitely some walls on my house now. Construction is still behind schedule, but it was also originally set to be completed far before our expected closing date. I almost parked my car in my 'garage', but one of the workers was looking at me a bit too intently with a nail gun. Guess I'll have to wait.

OOF: Ask For Help With Your Sunscreen

This weekend I was introduced to the aquatic wonder that is Oceans of Fun. Both days. Regardless of age, hangover, and little to no acclimation to the sun's harmful rays I was present at this fabulous oasis on both Saturday and Sunday. I loved every slippery second of it.

Coincidentally, it was Dontworryboutit's birthday this weekend. Had he not played the "It's my birthday, so we're doing whatever I want" card on Saturday morning, I probably would have been my usual stick-in-the-mud self and stayed in bed until I felt lively enough to play some video games. Instead, I got my season pass online and discovered what's sure to be my default daytime plan for the rest of the summer's weekends. Unfamiliar to the OOF wonderness? Don't worry, because I'm a pro now:

1. Get the season pass. It's $80 and the daily rate is $30. Go 3 times and you've justified your investment (and that's just what it is).
2. Bring your own booze. Nobody checks your bags, and you can get glasses of ice at many convenient locations throughout the park. Nothing makes me feel like a man like smuggling 'shine.
3. Get there before 1 PM. I know, it's a large price to pay to drag your dreary bones out of bed, but it's worth it when you get that money spot at the adult pool for you and your friends. Which brings me to:
4. The adult pool! No rug rats running around screaming, basketball in the pool, and a sand volleyball court. Also, beers and boat drinks if you're not cagey enough to bring your own. Oh, and a bar called 'Belly Up' where you actually sit in the water of the pool itself when you're at the bar. For some reason, those people never seem to have to use the bathroom...
5. Lot's of water slides. I don't believe any elaboration is required here. Water slides are inherently awesome.

Needless to say, I had a great time both days and plan on making OOF my country club until I get pretentious enough to demand something better. I expect you all to come visit me sometime this summer so you can experience the greatness for yourselves.

The Diabetic and the Detractor: Friend and Foe

I was in the pharmacy today doing my usual thing (this entails avoiding eye contact, avoiding the drive through, avoiding the phone). A nondescript woman approached the counter and started asking me about cough medication. Easy enough. I exit the pharmacy to the 'floor' (that's what we call the rest of the store outside of our quaint little pill counting area) and grab a combo cold product off the shelf and begin explaining how it will make her feel 1000% better.

Usually, this is where the interaction ends. Not today.

This woman had multiple other issues that she wanted me to know about. She had diabetes (which she claimed she was being treated for), a problem with one of her big toenails which I was able to evaluate along with everyone else in the pharmacy (objectively) as she took off her shoes and socks, and aches in her legs. It took me about 20 seconds to type that sentance. Today, it took about 20 minutes for me to elicit these facts from my 'patient', as she spoke very broken English. My best guess is that she just came here from somewhere in Northern Africa, and rather recently.

After our lengthy discussion, I was able interpret her hypothesis:

1. She believes her toe problems to be of a fungal origin. She had gotten a powder for it before from somewhere in her homeland, which yielded little result.
2. She believes her legs hurt because she works at the Price Chopper (a grocery store) down the street, which she walks to every day. A mile or so (each way). Who knows what they're paying her.

Now, for those of you in the health care biz, you're probably thinking the same thing I did. Her diabetes is under poor (null) control and she's got a foot ulcer and diabetic nephropathy, explaining her foot sore as well as the pain in her legs. I start explaining that she needs to see a doctor to rule this out, as I am not a diagnostician. No dice. She states that she doesn't have the money to go to the MD, and insists that I find her remedies for her conditions here in the pharmacy. Now.

Our entire dialogue lasted around 20 minutes. This is at least as long as she would have gotten out of an MD. Maybe longer. I decided to recommend the best OTC options for her ailments (an antifungal for the suspected tinea, ibuprofen for her limb soreness). I got her all Corpopharm products and scanned my employee card (saving her about 30%) which according to Corpopharm rules would get me canned.

A short time later some lady argued with me about her copay for 5 minutes at the drive through. She then sat in DT for another 10 minutes to count all her pills in the car to make sure we hadn't screwed up her scripts. After that she started honking her horn to get our attention to grab her something else from the 'floor'.

This is retail pharmacy.

I Give You The Finger, Chicago

I take that back. Chicago isn't such a bad place. It's just bad when you're there for 4 solid days of corporate indoctrination. As most of you know, I was there last week for my graduate intern training for my wonderful employer, Corpopharm.














The company orientation wasn't as bad as you might think. Corporate people love to tell all us burgeoning pharmacists how great we are, and for the most part we're all glad to hear it. They also love to tell us how our patients are priority one and that they are the most important part of our job, and that profits and prescription volume are second. One of the pharmacy supervisors (our bosses, who like to refer to themselves as 'pharm soups' *sigh*) explained how our annual bonus situation is calculated. Ready for hypocrisy at it's best? Here's how it breaks down:

• 50% comes from prescription volume of my store, and if I'm filling as many as corporate thinks I should
  
• 30% comes from performance measures of my pharmacy, like if I'm keeping up with my paperwork and maintaining adequate drug stock
  
• 20% comes from your how people view the service of my pharmacy (based on phone surveys)

At first I thought that there was some of what I like to call 'fuzzy math' going on here. Notice anything awry? I just got done telling you that corporate told yours truly that patients come first and profits are second. That makes it awfully funny that our incentive bonus is based primarily off of sales, doesn't it?

I didn't let Corpopharm ruin what was sure to be loads of Windy City Fun, though. I made sure to experience Chicago (pronounced shickaaaaaago) to the fullest with lots of other fun activities. Enough about work. Here's the things about Chicago that I really enjoyed.

1. Chicago White Sox Vs. New York Yankees. Yep, my first major league baseball game. I got to see Arod jack a 9th inning grand slam. Here's a helpful hint: don't clap for him in the midst of Sox fans. They will not be pleased. You may get something thrown at you.
2. White Castle. This was another first. People weren't lying, those little burgers are delicious, and nutritious! Well, maybe not nutritious.
3. Binnys Beverage Depot. This store had a such a variety of booze that I wanted to move in and call it Mother.
4. Rush hour traffic! I've never contemplated suicide quite so earnestly.
5. Homeless people that try and sell you stuff instead of just asking for money. Hey, at least they're trying to provide a service.

There you have it. Chicago beguiled me with here charm and mystique, but I must say I'm glad to be home.

Blood, Sweat, and Tech Support: Confessions of a Star-Crossed Gamer

Persistence will get you 3 things: results, results and, uh, results!

After many calls, death threats, and IMs to Bill Gates, it appears that my Xbox will be receiving the red carpet treatment straight to Microsoft's repair facilities. After ripping apart my Xbox not once, twice, but thrice I uncovered this little gem on the good ol' interweb:

http://blogs.mercurynews.com/aei/2006/09/microsoft_dismi.html

You read correctly. All units purchased before Jan 1 2006 will be repaired/replaced free of charge with a 1 year extension to the warranty. My prayers have been answered.

Here's the rub: I've had my Xbox apart 3 times now, and obviously the security seals have been removed. That means my warranty has been raped, pillaged, and plundered. Microsoft is sending me a box to return the unit for the above mentioned special circumstances, so I'm hoping that they're just planning on sending me a new one and only want the old one to research the problem associated with the first release units. If they decide to go poking around and dismantle it, I'm finished.

Here's hoping. Wish me luck. Vaya con dios.

Bestill my icy heart...

For those of you who are not a nerd, this is the innards of the life stealing video game console, the Xbox 360 by Microsoft Inc. More specifically, the Xbox of yours truly.














Fearing no technological exploit and having little pride left to damage, this was my vain attempt to repair the video game console I've spent so much time using to procrastinate more productive tasks like studying, cleaning, and practicing my unicycle routine. I've actually had this damn thing apart twice now with similar results each time: I cannot fix it. It is dead. The Mob has spoken.

Don't go thinking I was opening up the hood of my car that was dead on the road and scratching my head on this one. I did extensive internet research (we all know that's never wrong) to diagnose the problem and find a proper treatment plan to get my lil' buddy on the road to recovery. I even got out all my fancy computer tools and said a prayer to God, Satan, and any other deity I happened to see cited on Fox News that evening. No dice.

Long story short, I'm going to be much more productive for the next few weeks until I break down and buy another one. My hands are alreeeady shaaaakkkiiiinnnnngg...