11 September 2008
Matt Damon Makes Me Laugh
Matt Damon apparently has no problem talking politics in front of a camera. The interview excerpt is pretty hilarious in that he has no reticence in this American era when just a few years ago the Dixie Chicks were nearly burned at the stake for badmouthing G-Dub. Watch and laugh, amigos.
If the above video doesn't work, here's the link. Blogger hates me today I guess.
Matt Damon Rips Sarah Palin
04 September 2008
Spiffy Gets New Mode Of Transportation
So I got a bike to ride to work. The Corpopharm I now work at is a mere 12 blocks from where I live, so I figured pedaling my lazy ass there would be a novel conquest. It folds up to a small size so that I don't have to leave it outside all night for all the hucksters to pilfer. Here's a picture of it.
And folded up:
Isn't it stupid? I can see it now:
Spiffy enters Corpopharm. He's self importantly striding through the sliding doors with a fold-up bicycle under his arm. He walks back to the pharmacy and proclaims, 'Ah! The brisk fall air. How invigorating! Quickly, everyone! Fill those prescriptions. We've got lives to save!' A pharmacy patron at the drop off window notices him and asks the tech, 'Who's that asshole?'. The tech sighs heavily and says, 'That's the night pharmacist. Ever since he started riding a bike to work, he's gotten a little... smug.'
The pharmacy patron watches Spiffy striding around the pharmacy with an air of grandeur that she can't quite swallow. He suddenly bellows at a technician, 'Prior authorazation! Damn it man, there's no time! I'll pay for it myself! That patient NEEDS their medication!' A look of disgust spreads across her face. 'Give me my prescription back,' she says abruptly. 'I'm going to a different pharmacy.'
And folded up:
Isn't it stupid? I can see it now:
Spiffy enters Corpopharm. He's self importantly striding through the sliding doors with a fold-up bicycle under his arm. He walks back to the pharmacy and proclaims, 'Ah! The brisk fall air. How invigorating! Quickly, everyone! Fill those prescriptions. We've got lives to save!' A pharmacy patron at the drop off window notices him and asks the tech, 'Who's that asshole?'. The tech sighs heavily and says, 'That's the night pharmacist. Ever since he started riding a bike to work, he's gotten a little... smug.'
The pharmacy patron watches Spiffy striding around the pharmacy with an air of grandeur that she can't quite swallow. He suddenly bellows at a technician, 'Prior authorazation! Damn it man, there's no time! I'll pay for it myself! That patient NEEDS their medication!' A look of disgust spreads across her face. 'Give me my prescription back,' she says abruptly. 'I'm going to a different pharmacy.'
02 September 2008
Confectionery Crime Spree
I met my first crazy person at my new pharmacy last night, and I didn't even know it.
The family came to the drive through at about 4:30 AM. They had scripts for both the mother and child from the ER, which I thought was a bit odd. Antibiotics for the child, par for the course. The mother had some medication for constipation. I guess they pulled the old my child is running a fever and oh by the way doc I haven't shit for 2 days haha.
It took the scripts and told the father of the family I would get everything ready as quickly as possible so he could get his family home. I went to a terminal to input the prescriptions and noticed the vehicle still sitting in the drive through.
I never let people wait in the drive through. There's a million reasons for this, all of them obvious and not terribly entertaining to list. I walked back over to the drive through and got on the PA.
Me: I need you to pull out of the drive through. It needs to be open in case anyone else needs to drop off or pick up. You can wait in the parking lot and I'll signal you when you're ready, or you can come in.
Guy: In? Come inside(a bit of apprehension in his voice)?
Me: Sure. Or you can wait in the parking lot. Whichever is easier for you.
I returned to the terminal to get to work. Within a few minutes he was inside. He came right up to the drop-off window where I was working and just stood there. Side note: it bothers me when people stand idle and watch me work. You could probably relate it to someone sitting with you at a restaurant, watching you eat. Uncomfortable and a bit aggravating. I realized that his English wasn't very good, so I thought I would explain the process of waiting for his scripts again.
Me: I'm still working on your medication. Why don't you have a seat (I gestured toward the ever-present waiting area) and I'll let you know when you're ready.
Guy: Wait... here?
He was kind of ogling me, nonplussed. I reiterated my time quote and relegated myself to having a new pet albatross. Hi-de-ho. After a bit he wandered off, and I assumed he was probably checking out the magazines or possibly the booze section (where I always end up, I just assume everyone else has a problem too. Also, in my kind eyes, the only part of a Corpopharm that has anything worth buying).
I finished entering the scripts into the system, billing insurance, and proceeded to start the holy ritual of count-by-five when I looked back over at the drive through window. My albatross was chilling in the drive through... sans vehicle. He was just standing there with his hands in his pockets trying to look like he wasn't loitering in a drive through. I began to wonder if this gentleman was deliberately fucking with me. I got the scripts filled pretty quickly and got him rung up and counseled. He then sauntered off to his vehicle without incident. He actually seemed very appreciative, more than I can say for most people. I returned to what I had been working on when the store manager came over to the pharmacy.
TheManager: You know that guy that you were just filling for? He's not allowed to come in the store.
Me: Really? (a light bulb was coming on) I guess he was acting a little strange. How did he get banned?
TheManager: Funny story. One night, pretty late, he came in and was just wandering around. After a while, he started messing with the candy displays. He was just standing in front of the candy in front of the pharmacy, right? He was staring at it all pretty intently. After a few minutes, he began to freak out. He would get all worked up, grab a candy bar or whatever, and run with it to another candy display in the front of the store and put it there. This carried on long enough that I told him he had to leave.
Me: Holy shit. I guess he did seem a bit pensive about coming inside.
I REALLY hope he comes back soon. I'm going to get him inside and start throwing candy bars at him. I want to know how many it will take before the dam breaks.
The family came to the drive through at about 4:30 AM. They had scripts for both the mother and child from the ER, which I thought was a bit odd. Antibiotics for the child, par for the course. The mother had some medication for constipation. I guess they pulled the old my child is running a fever and oh by the way doc I haven't shit for 2 days haha.
It took the scripts and told the father of the family I would get everything ready as quickly as possible so he could get his family home. I went to a terminal to input the prescriptions and noticed the vehicle still sitting in the drive through.
I never let people wait in the drive through. There's a million reasons for this, all of them obvious and not terribly entertaining to list. I walked back over to the drive through and got on the PA.
Me: I need you to pull out of the drive through. It needs to be open in case anyone else needs to drop off or pick up. You can wait in the parking lot and I'll signal you when you're ready, or you can come in.
Guy: In? Come inside(a bit of apprehension in his voice)?
Me: Sure. Or you can wait in the parking lot. Whichever is easier for you.
I returned to the terminal to get to work. Within a few minutes he was inside. He came right up to the drop-off window where I was working and just stood there. Side note: it bothers me when people stand idle and watch me work. You could probably relate it to someone sitting with you at a restaurant, watching you eat. Uncomfortable and a bit aggravating. I realized that his English wasn't very good, so I thought I would explain the process of waiting for his scripts again.
Me: I'm still working on your medication. Why don't you have a seat (I gestured toward the ever-present waiting area) and I'll let you know when you're ready.
Guy: Wait... here?
He was kind of ogling me, nonplussed. I reiterated my time quote and relegated myself to having a new pet albatross. Hi-de-ho. After a bit he wandered off, and I assumed he was probably checking out the magazines or possibly the booze section (where I always end up, I just assume everyone else has a problem too. Also, in my kind eyes, the only part of a Corpopharm that has anything worth buying).
I finished entering the scripts into the system, billing insurance, and proceeded to start the holy ritual of count-by-five when I looked back over at the drive through window. My albatross was chilling in the drive through... sans vehicle. He was just standing there with his hands in his pockets trying to look like he wasn't loitering in a drive through. I began to wonder if this gentleman was deliberately fucking with me. I got the scripts filled pretty quickly and got him rung up and counseled. He then sauntered off to his vehicle without incident. He actually seemed very appreciative, more than I can say for most people. I returned to what I had been working on when the store manager came over to the pharmacy.
TheManager: You know that guy that you were just filling for? He's not allowed to come in the store.
Me: Really? (a light bulb was coming on) I guess he was acting a little strange. How did he get banned?
TheManager: Funny story. One night, pretty late, he came in and was just wandering around. After a while, he started messing with the candy displays. He was just standing in front of the candy in front of the pharmacy, right? He was staring at it all pretty intently. After a few minutes, he began to freak out. He would get all worked up, grab a candy bar or whatever, and run with it to another candy display in the front of the store and put it there. This carried on long enough that I told him he had to leave.
Me: Holy shit. I guess he did seem a bit pensive about coming inside.
I REALLY hope he comes back soon. I'm going to get him inside and start throwing candy bars at him. I want to know how many it will take before the dam breaks.
31 August 2008
Spiffy Gets Demoted, Escapes The Jungle
It all started last March, on a fine Monday morning of apothecary wonderment. I was on the phone with TheBoss, who had called regarding some issue I probably didn't give a shit about. She concluded her business and I said something that I did not realize was going to issue from my orifice until it escaped. I told her that I wanted out of my current position and requested a transfer work over-nights at the Corpopharm close to my house. I explained that my lifespan at Corpopharm would not last much longer if my request was not met. I hadn't planned on giving her an ultimatum that day, but there it was.
The last six or so months have been a waiting game. Negotiations, compromises, and enough bureaucracy to make your grandmother want to punch babies. My company is large, and the corporate structure is motivated by many factors. My happiness is not chief among them, so it doesn't surprise me that my request was not fulfilled in a golden instant. I'm sure it would have happened more quickly had I threatened to walk. I'm not a dick like that. Even though I work for an evil machine, that machine is responsible for welfare of real people (like your grandmother).
Two weeks ago, TheBoss called and informed me that my transfer was finally a reality. I started working the night shift at my new pharmacy last week, and I feel the sanity creeping back in already.
There's a multitude of reasons why this was necessary. Anyone who reads about my experiences at work has a glimpse into my head. The responses I've gotten from people who read this site tend to be a bit off the mark. I do not hate my job. I enjoy pharmacy. I truly believe I have one of the best jobs available in the United States today. I feel very fortunate to be in the position I am and wouldn't choose many jobs over the one I currently have (video game tester and beer sampler aside). The problem is not my line of work but the segment of the population that it puts me in direct contact with on a daily basis.
I don't understand people. It's difficult for me to articulate just how each and every interaction with patients at the pharmacy affects me, but the result is rarely positive. I'm offended much more easily than most people by the boorish and casual manner of the standard pharmacy patron. Certainly not by things that most people would consider offensive. I can't reconcile the expectations of the American public with my responsibilities as a health care professional. I cannot alter the perception of the masses. I can't make your coupon work for the toilet paper and explain the proper method for your bowel prep kit in the same sentence. I don't want to bill your script to medicaid and see you drive away in an Escalade. It's not within me.
The other elephant in the rooms was being Pharmacist In Charge. PIC is a legally necessary position for any pharmacy. In a nutshell, the PIC is responsible for the pharmacy obeying regulations set forth by the board of pharmacy by that state. Combine this with the fact that I had precious little faith in my partner and the result was a lot stress and anxiety. I realized one day that if I had a family member that needed medication, I would not want them to go to my pharmacy while my partner was on duty. This is a reality at many pharmacies, sad as that is. I decided I didn't want to accept responsibility any longer for things that were beyond my control. I'll never be PIC again, unless I own the joint.
I just got done with my shift. It's 7:30 AM, and I'm having a beer and watching the sun rise over the park. I spent my last 2 hours at work reading Stephen King's Bachman Books. I'll go to bed in an hour or so.
Next time you get out of the ER at 3 AM and head to the 24 Corpopharm to get your scripts filled, it may that weird pharmacist with the tattoos. Don't worry, you're not fucked. I'll take good care of you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, credit of Dr. Russell and The Onion, here's a little pharmacy funny in case you haven't read it already. I broke my balls laughing.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38511
The last six or so months have been a waiting game. Negotiations, compromises, and enough bureaucracy to make your grandmother want to punch babies. My company is large, and the corporate structure is motivated by many factors. My happiness is not chief among them, so it doesn't surprise me that my request was not fulfilled in a golden instant. I'm sure it would have happened more quickly had I threatened to walk. I'm not a dick like that. Even though I work for an evil machine, that machine is responsible for welfare of real people (like your grandmother).
Two weeks ago, TheBoss called and informed me that my transfer was finally a reality. I started working the night shift at my new pharmacy last week, and I feel the sanity creeping back in already.
There's a multitude of reasons why this was necessary. Anyone who reads about my experiences at work has a glimpse into my head. The responses I've gotten from people who read this site tend to be a bit off the mark. I do not hate my job. I enjoy pharmacy. I truly believe I have one of the best jobs available in the United States today. I feel very fortunate to be in the position I am and wouldn't choose many jobs over the one I currently have (video game tester and beer sampler aside). The problem is not my line of work but the segment of the population that it puts me in direct contact with on a daily basis.
I don't understand people. It's difficult for me to articulate just how each and every interaction with patients at the pharmacy affects me, but the result is rarely positive. I'm offended much more easily than most people by the boorish and casual manner of the standard pharmacy patron. Certainly not by things that most people would consider offensive. I can't reconcile the expectations of the American public with my responsibilities as a health care professional. I cannot alter the perception of the masses. I can't make your coupon work for the toilet paper and explain the proper method for your bowel prep kit in the same sentence. I don't want to bill your script to medicaid and see you drive away in an Escalade. It's not within me.
The other elephant in the rooms was being Pharmacist In Charge. PIC is a legally necessary position for any pharmacy. In a nutshell, the PIC is responsible for the pharmacy obeying regulations set forth by the board of pharmacy by that state. Combine this with the fact that I had precious little faith in my partner and the result was a lot stress and anxiety. I realized one day that if I had a family member that needed medication, I would not want them to go to my pharmacy while my partner was on duty. This is a reality at many pharmacies, sad as that is. I decided I didn't want to accept responsibility any longer for things that were beyond my control. I'll never be PIC again, unless I own the joint.
I just got done with my shift. It's 7:30 AM, and I'm having a beer and watching the sun rise over the park. I spent my last 2 hours at work reading Stephen King's Bachman Books. I'll go to bed in an hour or so.
Next time you get out of the ER at 3 AM and head to the 24 Corpopharm to get your scripts filled, it may that weird pharmacist with the tattoos. Don't worry, you're not fucked. I'll take good care of you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, credit of Dr. Russell and The Onion, here's a little pharmacy funny in case you haven't read it already. I broke my balls laughing.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38511
16 August 2008
In The Spirit Of
I get to wondering about the shoppers. The women that grab the shopping cart and wander around Corpopharm for 45 minutes like there's something worth buying. The shopping carts at Corpopharm aren't even real, they're the little downsized bitch models that are about half the size of what you get at the grocery store. At stores that are in the ghetto (one of our managers got shot at one of them a few weeks ago, and that's really sad to me) they have a long pole sticking out of the top so that you can't walk out the door with them. I don't know what's more sad:that people want to steal those stupid mini-carts or that Corpopharm can't bear the thought of some crazy indigent going home with one.
It's always the same routine for them. First, walk in and get a cart. Lean over it like it's a walker out of some geriatric fantasy from hell and drag your feet like they're in cement shoes. Stop by the circular kiosk and grab the ad book that you'll argue with register clerk ad nausem about when you're not getting the sale price on the enema special. Yes, we have enema specials. Get into that old handbag which may or may not contain an army of coupons and retrieve the tissue that you've been using long enough to become good friends with it. Stagger up and down the aisles that have the same inferior products as the last time you got away from bingo long enough to get your heart medication. There's got to be something there you haven't seen before. Make sure your perm is wrapped around your skull like a helmet and you shirt has a bible verse or a Nascar number on it. The look in your eyes ranges from skepticism to thinly veiled contempt. This is the only way.
The most amazing part is that Corpopharm is designed to be wholly offensive to the human senses. Combine fluorescent lighting, looped top forty music and abrasive color schemes with the faint smell of desperation and the result is a profound blow to even the most stoic human spirit. Every day I walk in to my store I wonder if the powers that be are trying to deal a personal blow to my constitution. I can't get back to my pharmacy fast enough to drown out Tina Turner or Gwen Stefani with Nine Inch Nails or Cat Power. Not you, constant shopper. You revel in it, you bob your head.
Tomorrow, the first time I see a shopper, I'm going to follow her around. This is not sexist, it's always a her. I'm going to watch and learn. I don't even care what's going on in the pharmacy. This creature is able to ignore the offensive and focus intently on the mundane and banal as if it were virtue. Don't worry, I'll keep my distance. Trifle not with tired tigers.
It's always the same routine for them. First, walk in and get a cart. Lean over it like it's a walker out of some geriatric fantasy from hell and drag your feet like they're in cement shoes. Stop by the circular kiosk and grab the ad book that you'll argue with register clerk ad nausem about when you're not getting the sale price on the enema special. Yes, we have enema specials. Get into that old handbag which may or may not contain an army of coupons and retrieve the tissue that you've been using long enough to become good friends with it. Stagger up and down the aisles that have the same inferior products as the last time you got away from bingo long enough to get your heart medication. There's got to be something there you haven't seen before. Make sure your perm is wrapped around your skull like a helmet and you shirt has a bible verse or a Nascar number on it. The look in your eyes ranges from skepticism to thinly veiled contempt. This is the only way.
The most amazing part is that Corpopharm is designed to be wholly offensive to the human senses. Combine fluorescent lighting, looped top forty music and abrasive color schemes with the faint smell of desperation and the result is a profound blow to even the most stoic human spirit. Every day I walk in to my store I wonder if the powers that be are trying to deal a personal blow to my constitution. I can't get back to my pharmacy fast enough to drown out Tina Turner or Gwen Stefani with Nine Inch Nails or Cat Power. Not you, constant shopper. You revel in it, you bob your head.
Tomorrow, the first time I see a shopper, I'm going to follow her around. This is not sexist, it's always a her. I'm going to watch and learn. I don't even care what's going on in the pharmacy. This creature is able to ignore the offensive and focus intently on the mundane and banal as if it were virtue. Don't worry, I'll keep my distance. Trifle not with tired tigers.
06 August 2008
Putrid Prophylactic Preview
Here's an unedited note from one of the overnights I worked a few weeks ago.
i'm writing this on my laptop. it's 2:59 am. a couple (man and woman) just came into the store. they came directly back to where the condoms are, which happens to be directly in front of the pharmacy. at first it was just the two of them. then another person showed up, and another. now there are five people in a group in front of the condoms, two women and 3 men. now, this isn't altogether uncommon. it's not unusual for a bunch of kids to be looking at the condoms, snickering and grab-assing. this is not the case here. as i'm typing this, there is a group of 5 adults picking out condoms... together. and they're not attractive. oh boy. i really really hope they don't need a consultation. oh go oh god oh god...
i'm writing this on my laptop. it's 2:59 am. a couple (man and woman) just came into the store. they came directly back to where the condoms are, which happens to be directly in front of the pharmacy. at first it was just the two of them. then another person showed up, and another. now there are five people in a group in front of the condoms, two women and 3 men. now, this isn't altogether uncommon. it's not unusual for a bunch of kids to be looking at the condoms, snickering and grab-assing. this is not the case here. as i'm typing this, there is a group of 5 adults picking out condoms... together. and they're not attractive. oh boy. i really really hope they don't need a consultation. oh go oh god oh god...
29 July 2008
Spiffy Gets Reviewed
Today I traveled to the Corpopharm regional office for my annual review with TheBoss. I was truly curious about how the review would transpire as I had never been privy to one before. It turned out pretty much as I expected: forty minutes of business-speak followed by five minutes of the shaft.
Let me explain the relationship between myself and my company with a little metaphor. It's basically akin to a junior high dance. I'm the awkward, acned, poorly dressed boy trying to hide behind bleachers. Corpopharm is the ugly girl with braces and a speech impediment that's made really good friends with the water fountain but nobody else. Now, we both know how this is going down. We're the only two not dancing and everybody knows it. We can either slow dance and pretend to like each other or we can spend the rest of the year not getting picked in gym class. Not even a choice, really.
TheBoss spent most of the meeting discussing Corpopharm business measures and iniatives before she got the part that matters: my raise. Corpopharm saw fit to bestow me with a raise to the tune of 3.6%. Reviewing the inflation rate for 2008 since January, the average is around 4.3% depending on what source you look at. Corpopharm must not have majored in math, because it looks like I just got a pay cut instead of a raise.
I know some of you are thinking, 'But Spiffy, pharmacists already get payed a lot.' I'm aware of this, and I'm very thankful to have a job that compensates me as well as it does. What I'm not OK with is taking a pay cut so that Corpopharm stock interests can show a meager gain for this fiscal quarter. Yay.
This along with the fact that Corpopharm is currently the worst paying chain in a America may be making the math easier for many pharmacists around the country. I hope my scheduler is getting lots of rest tonight.
Let me explain the relationship between myself and my company with a little metaphor. It's basically akin to a junior high dance. I'm the awkward, acned, poorly dressed boy trying to hide behind bleachers. Corpopharm is the ugly girl with braces and a speech impediment that's made really good friends with the water fountain but nobody else. Now, we both know how this is going down. We're the only two not dancing and everybody knows it. We can either slow dance and pretend to like each other or we can spend the rest of the year not getting picked in gym class. Not even a choice, really.
TheBoss spent most of the meeting discussing Corpopharm business measures and iniatives before she got the part that matters: my raise. Corpopharm saw fit to bestow me with a raise to the tune of 3.6%. Reviewing the inflation rate for 2008 since January, the average is around 4.3% depending on what source you look at. Corpopharm must not have majored in math, because it looks like I just got a pay cut instead of a raise.
I know some of you are thinking, 'But Spiffy, pharmacists already get payed a lot.' I'm aware of this, and I'm very thankful to have a job that compensates me as well as it does. What I'm not OK with is taking a pay cut so that Corpopharm stock interests can show a meager gain for this fiscal quarter. Yay.
This along with the fact that Corpopharm is currently the worst paying chain in a America may be making the math easier for many pharmacists around the country. I hope my scheduler is getting lots of rest tonight.
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