Late Night Litany

The phone rings. I check the time. It's ten minutes until my relief arrives. I say a little prayer (only in foxholes) and pick up the receiver.

Me: Corpopharm, this is Spiffy.
Manic: Hey Spiffy, it's Jamie!

She paused for a minute. My mind started searching for any Jamie that I knew until I realized that this was one of those people who expected me to know them solely by their first name.

Me: What can I do for you?
Manic: Oh, hey babe! I just need some refills. I live down here in (town) but get all my medications there. These small town pharmacies, full of nosy people. I don't care what they think, you know? I really think...
Me: Ma'am, what's your last name?
Manic: Oh, gosh hon! I just need my normal refills. Last time it was like $120, now how do those things get so gosh darn expensive? I tell you what...

I could imagine her wildly gesticulating on the other end of the line, probably holding a cigarette and leaving tendrils of smoke in deranged patterns in the air. She would also be drinking coffee. At the rate she was speaking, she could have been banging down a few rails as well. At 6:45 am, most people aren't that stimulated. It took me a few minutes to get the information from her that I needed to refill her medication. By the time I did, she was so wound up again that she took off.

Manic: Say, sweetie, are you taking any vitamin D? You know that you people that work nights don't get enough sun right? Do they teach you kids that in pharmacy school these days? I'm real into vitamins and herbal supplements. I think we should take a more holistic approach to medication, sort of a east-meets-west mentality, you know? I think...
Spiffy: Ma'am? I have another phone call coming in.
Manic: Oh, jeez! Listen to me. Have a good holiday hon!

__________________________________

The work force crisis continues at Corpopharm. For the last week and a half, I've been working overnight at a Corpopharm that just lost one of their night people. The conversation with TheBoss went something like this:

TheBoss: Spiffy, we need some coverage over night at the 72nd store for 2 weeks. Can you help us?
Spiffy: I'm not comfortable being away from my pharmacy for that long. Who else can you get?
TheBoss: There's no one else.
Spiffy: Well, that sounds about right.

You can all feel comfortable knowing that one of the largest, most wealthy corporations in the United States has such poor staffing policy that they wait until 1 week before the shit hits the fan to find a solution. You don't need your medication anyway, right?

Working overnight does have it's benefits.

1. The drunks. If you see a drunk during the daytime, it's a little depressing because they've probably got a drinking problem. If you see them at night, well, it's a party!

2. Workload: nonexistent. I've watched a few movies. Usually at least one every night.

3. Reduced stress level. This is directly related to workload.

4. Doctors, insurance companies, and most other pharmacies are closed. Want me to call your doctor for a refill? Tough shit, do it yourself.

5. The crazies. It's true that they come out at night. Whether it's street corner gospel or paranoid delusional, you can be sure you'll be entertained.

6. The music. Corpopharm plays the same loop of shitty music day in, day out. With no people to talk to, I just listen to my ipod all night.