Anal Asinine Analgesia

Remember the deer hunter from last November? He was back last night! Without referring to the old post, this gentlemen arrived at the pharmacy in the middle of the night late in last November because his maintenance narcotics had been unceremoniously removed from his person by a cadre of ruffians. It grieves me just to say it.

Deer Hunter: hey i got these scripts from the 'mergeny room here in town cuz i was out to the river today an' i had my meds in my backpack an' i slid down the river bank an' my backpack came off an' i lost my meds can you fill these for me?

This time DH had brought backup in the form of Deer Hunter Mother. She was clearly in charge here.

DHM: My boy needs his med-i-ka-shun! How long will this take?

Me: Just a few minutes. If you would like to have a seat, I'll let you know just as soon as...

DH: Yeah I need 'em cuz I take these real regular an' if I stop...

Me: Yes, I'm aware. Please take a seat. This won't take long.

Did I mention DH was shirtless? The young man had obviously been out to the river shirtless as well, as evidenced by the very nasty sunburn that was now resident on the upper half of his body. About this time, the night manager wandered by. Last nights manager was the type of woman who takes Zero Shit from anybody. I love her precisely for that reason. As soon as she spotted DH, she immediately decided to lay down the law.

Manager (addressing DH): You gotta shirt? You can't be in here without a shirt.

DH: I got second degree burns...

DHM: He's got second degree burns all over...

At this point, I managed to catch Manager's eye and telegraphed to her that I had the situation under control (so far) and that I would radio for backup if necessary. She tipped me a wink and continued about her work.

Those of you in the field will know that DH's insurance claims were promptly rejected by Medicaid because he had just filled a months supply recently. The medications he was aiming to replace would cost about $70 out of pocket. I motioned DHM to the counter. I assumed she was the one funding this little adventure. DH had also already fled the scene.

I explained how much the medication would cost and why. DHM accepted my explanation with no malice, stating that she would go to DH's regular pharmacy in the morning and take care of it. I was glad DH was not present, as he would have undoubtedly had a Class I Nuclear Meltdown in the pharmacy. When you tell junkies they have to go without their fix for any extended period of time, they tend to get a bit upset.

The best part? The Manager had her eye on DH from the second he entered the store, and caught him shoplifting a cane (of all things) on his way out. As DHM was paying for a few other very necessary purchases at the pharmacy upon concluding our business (soda and potato chips) Manager approached and informed DHM that her sticky fingered son owed the store for one (1) cane. DHM stammered out an apology and counted out some bills on the counter. I bit my lip, allowing the better half to fight the battle.

I've been on the Medicaid rant before. This is just another great example of how dumb people breed dumb(er) people who make many bad decisions that all the rest of the tax paying populace gets to pay for. DH went and got loaded at the river, sustained a second degree sunburn, and lost his medication. Good fucking deal.

DH strutted proudly away from the pharmacy with his new cane-enabled gait, and the very ground shook. Jesus wept, and all the philistines cast out their nets.