Laptop Literature Lasciviousness

Here's a few more funnies from the ol' laptop archive. Once again, these were all typed out quickly while the pills were flying and the patients were screaming. I'll put in exactly what I typed at that time, followed by an explanation to help preserve that raw pharmacy experience I know you all crave.

1. why so much? medicaid patient elected not to get lancets.

-I thought this one was pretty funny. This guy was picking up about 8 scripts on Saturday night. He had Medicaid and everything went through with paid claims except for his lancets. Lancets are what diabetics use to pierce their skin in a relatively painless and sanitary manner so that they can get a blood sugar measurement. For some reason his lancets wouldn't go through Medicaid. So, when I rang them up it was for the cash price.

Guy: Why is it so expensive? (translation: why is it more than $0)

Me: Medicaid didn't pay for your lancets.

Guy: Ok, just leave those here. I'll take everything else.

I wanted to ask, but I didn't. How the hell is he going to draw blood for his blood glucose checks? Steak knives? Rusty nails? Get in a fight with the wife?

2. i don't carry a purse anymore. I work in the ghetto and we get help up about 2x monthly. (medicaid pt who didn't have here childrens cards.)

-This was from a woman who was getting some medication for her kids. Apparently she lives in a poor part of town and works at a Cricket kiosk. She said they get robbed at least twice a month. So, if you're lucky enough to be working when the robbery occurs, you get robbed as well. Fabulous. Not only does she have a shitty job, but everytime she goes in some thug steals her purse. Wonder how her 401 is. Anyway, the woman had had her purse stolen so many times that she just gave up carrying one. She did have all her kids Medicaid information in a well organized laminate folder, though. So that was nice.

3. Guys comes looking for vaporub in 'little tins'. I show him the vaporub, saying that's all we have. He stands around waiting for the little size to materialize. Opens a couple packages to make sure i'm not lying. I walk away. He comes back to the pharmacy and wants to know if blistex is ok to use. I ask what for, and he says his 3 year olds lips are dry. I say yes that should do the trick. 2 hours later: guy returns with girl, asks where the vaporub is. I blow my brains out.

-Pretty self explanitory. No shit, he did ask again where the Vaporub was on his second trip into the store. We were out in the aisle for at least 5 minutes the first time because I had to explain the difference between Vaporub and Vaporub. It's these type of interactions that once again prove that humans should be born sterile until they prove themselves intelligent.

4. A bunch of the techs here must read magazines like us and people, because they're always sitting around the pharmacy. The fact that those magazines exist is a sure sign that we as humans are doomed. Does anybody but me think that the jon and kate plus 8 (even i know what that show is now i guess) couple look like a couple of aliens? All those little fuck trophies are going to end up on abilify, adderall, prozac, and catapress. Mark my words.

-I know some of you read those magazines, but I'm not going to make any attempt to hide that I believe they are pure trash. As a side note, I would fire every tech in that pharmacy save for a few of the interns if I were in charge. What a pack of animals. One of the few good ones bailed 5 months ago without a word to anybody. Zero. Fast forward to late May and I'm taking a piss at a Nine Inch Nails concert. From behind me I hear someone call my name. I turned around (don't worry, I finished pissing first) and BAM, the tech that eloped. Go figure. I guess he got sick of the city and moved out to California to hang out with his girlfriend. Too bad he left me with a bunch of morons.

5. Some guy gave me shit for telling him to back off to provide private consultation. He said, 'i heard that, and you didn't talk about drugs at all.' great. Don't think he realizes he just proved my point.

-Corpopharm doesn't do much to provide a private consultation area so that people can talk to the pharmacist without others hearing. That's important, because I have to be able to explain why their copay is so high. This particular incidence involved a guy coming up to the counter and standing directly beside the person that was picking up a script. Seriously, they could have held hands. So, I told him to take a few steps back and he looked at me like I'd just offered to rape his mother. Who does that? I don't even get in people's personal space in line at the grocery store, let alone in a place where they're talking about their boner pill or psoriasas cream. Freak.