Saturday Stupidity

A phone call.

Caller: Can you tell me what atenolol looks like?

Me: Uh, there's lots of different manufacturers that make that.  What's your name? (checking computer)  I don't see you in our computer.  Did you get them here?

Caller: No, I got them at Wal Mart.

Me: OK.  If you get all your pills and tell me what they look like, I can tell you which one is atenolol.

Caller: I think I took the last one.  What does Wal Mart's look like?

Me: (pause) Sorry?

Caller.  What does Wal Mart's atenolol look like?

Me: How would I know?

That's right, the person just asked me what kind of pills Wal Mart has.  Just so we're clear, I don't work for Wal Mart.  I don't even go to Wal Mart.  The last time I was there of my own volition was years ago.

This sort of thing happens more commonly than you would like to think.  People sometimes expect me to 'check in my computer' to see if any other Corpopharm has their medication in stock.  Half the time the computer at my pharmacy doesn't even know what the hell we have in stock.  Ask me what drugs I have, I'll tell you.  Ask me what a different pharmacy has and I'll tell you where to go.

And another thing: quit fucking asking me where shit in the store is located.  Here's some food for thought.  Look in the pharmacy.  Notice everybody wearing white coats?  Now, look throughout the front store.  See any white coats? No?  What does that tell you?  The only time you're going to see a white coat any where but the pharmacy is because they're showing your dumb ass where the tampons are because you're too fucking stupid to read the signs over the aisles.  I'm done.

Frantic Friday Formulary

Last night, the pharmacy administered to me a rather stern rogering that I haven't been exposed to since my career as a day pharmacist.  It's moments like that that make me realize... *gasp*... that I really enjoy and appreciate my new job.

I got work at 9 PM per usual for Friday.  The pharmacist on duty was the PIC, who happens to be a very good one.  She's a great PIC while at the same time is focused on adhereing to Corpopharm's business practices and values.  I can't comprehend it, as I used to try to destroy Corpopharm initiatives with every breath I took.

PIC informed me that the tech scheduled to work late with me was absent because his girlfriend was in labor.  Understandable.  This meant that from 9 PM to 7 AM I would be flying solo.  Most nights this would not be problematic.  Last night, it was.

The following onslaught consisted of ER discharges, regular refills, and insurance problems that compounded into the biggest clusterfuck I've ever experienced in the pharmacy.  Here's a few examples:

1.  9:45 PM.  Lady has an ER script for 20 Darvocet (most useless pain reliever ever, but a huge pink pill, so fun!) and 'Cane'.  That was all the script said, 'cane' as in walking aid.  I had the Darvocet filled in 5 minutes but she took 20 picking out the most appropriate leopard pattern for her walking stick.  Corpopharm has everything from leopard spots to camouflage.  Believe it.

2.  10 PM.  Guy needs refill on his albuterol inhaler, which is out of refills.  He argues with me for 10 minutes about whether or not refills actually exist.  This fact is not debatable, regardless of your oratory skill.  There are three people waiting to drop off new scripts to fill and two waiting to pick up filled scripts behind him.  One lady waits at drive though, alternating between horn honks and pushing the call button.  I eventually tell the guy I'll give him an inhaler if he'll leave peacefully.  Nobody wins.

3.  10:05 PM.  The next guy at drop off has a fake script for oxycodone.  This is a felony. I laugh at him.

4: 10:15 PM.  I start ringing up a person's script only to realize it was done incorrectly about 5 different ways.  I have to spend ten minutes explaining the problems to them that would not have arisen had I been pharmacist to verify the scripts initially.  I make a mental note to murder my new partners.

5.  10:30 PM.  Mom shows up with sick baby and needs scripts NOW@@!!@@#$$  One of them is a drug that has to be compounded, which takes a long time at Corpopharm where we mostly count by 5.  She graciously states she'll give me 15 minutes to get them done.  I inform her that her expectations are both optimistic and groundless.  She is not pleased.  

6.  10:35 PM.  I play 'Optimistic' by Radiohead on my Ipod dock and savor the irony.

7: 10:45 PM.  Dad shows up with a compound for his baby's diaper rash that he also needs NOW.  You can see where this all is going.

Now, all these events by themselves may not seem too fearsome, but picture each one with about 3 other people waiting for me to make them happy instantly and you can see the problem.

I was so shell shocked that I even called Superpharm at midnight because I needed a shoulder to cry on.  Tonight had better go more smoothly or I'm burning that motherfucker down.

Suffrage Sanity

Now, these are only rumors.  I realize that everything you see in the media must be taken with a cart of salt, but the mere fact that these rumors are circulating the news is pretty damn shocking.  The following has allegedly originated from campaign aides to the republican party concerning the vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin:

1.  She did not know Africa was a continent.  She thought it was a country.  One big damn country.

2.  She didn't know what countries were part of NAFTA.  The NORTH AMERICAN Free Trade Agreement.

There were also reports stating she spent ridiculous amounts of republican party funds on clothing for herself and her husband, but whatever.  We all know how women love to drop loads of cash on useless items like clothing, jewelry, and formula for their babies.

So how about that?  This is where the political system has ended up in the greatest country in the world.  A party will do anything to get itself into the White House, up to and including picking a VP candidate who apparently doesn't know her ass from her Saks Fifth Avenue bill.

The scariest part is that it nearly happened.  No wait, the scariest part is that she's still probably more intelligent that GW, if a bit more ignorant of global affairs.  I'm going to go shoot myself in the face repeatedly.

Corpopharm: It Gets Ya Drunk!!!!

All other hypocrycies aside, I've got to hand it to

 Corpopharm on this one.  They're certainly not trying to hide that they're out to make a buck off of booze sales.  I saw this sign on the door as I walked in last night:

And what's this as soon as you walk in the door?

Why, it's huge fucking pile of basement bathtub vodka!  Cheery good time!  Not only can you come to Corpopharm to get your heart medication, you can also come to get retarded!  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Little boy: Mommy, why do we have to go to the pharmacy?  It's boring and that mean old pharmacist...

Mom: Quiet honey, Mommy needs her Zoloft.  If you're good maybe we can get you a...

Little Boy: Mommy?  Get what? Mom-...

Mommy: Well, hello (picks up a bottle of ghetto swill vodka). 

Little Boy: Mommy, what about your medicine?

Mommy: Quiet honey, Mommy needs to get her swerve on.  Do you have a friend you can stay with tonight?

Compound Calamity

This is an open letter to any pharmacist or physician who reads this site.  I know nobody reads it, but I'm writing anyway in hopes of saving the world from tyrany and Paris Hilton.  Forever and ever amen.

Last night I got a script for bum balm.  Bum balm is a preparation used for diaper rash.  Bum balm is not a legend drug, i.e., it is not produced by any drug company and must be mixed up by the pharmacist at the pharmacy.  This is no problem.  I love compounding medication.  It does not involve talking to insurance companies, doctors, or patients.  It involves me rolling up my sleeves and putting my education to good use.  Sometimes, it even involves me using a mortar and pestle (!).  During long nights with nothing else to do, it provides a welcome distraction and makes me feel useful.

The problem arises any time I get a script like the above mentioned.  As bum balm is not a patented drug owned and produced according to one recipe, it can be made many different ways.  In my short career as a pill pusher, I've seen at least 4 different recipes for it.  The prescription merely read, 'Bum Balm, 1 tube, apply to affected area TID'.  The doctor may as well have written, 'give them sum kewl a$$ cream LOL'.  The distressed dad that gave me the script needed it NOW, TONIGHT but I wasn't able to give it to him.  

My question is, do some pharmacists fill this type of script on a regular basis, taking it for granted that they know what formulation the doctor wants?  I can only assume that some do, because I get this type of bullshit often enough to believe that some of these docs aren't getting called on it the majority of the time.  Do some pharmacists just not give a shit and make it for whichever formulation they use most often?  My problem with this is that I'm not willing to assume any liability on the doctor's behalf.  I'm not compounding a special medication unless I have explicit directions on what ingredients to use.

So, I faxed the script back to the doc this morning with a real smart-ass note attached.  In so many words it read, 'hey asshole, how about doing your job instead of being a slothful quack.'  Seeing as it's the weekend, I'm sure they will respond promptly.  The patient is failed once again.  I don't know if that gives me grim satisfaction or just bores my tits off.

Hip Hop Translated

For all you hip-hoppers out there...

...and this video is the untranslated version, if you speak jive.

Somebody Understands Spiffy

I hate to say it, but I usually judge the pharmacy patron before I speak with them. Even worse, I'm usually correct in my assumptions. I'm not saying I endorse stereotyping. After interacting with people often enough, you get to know the type. The person the hands you the script that smells like they tried to smoke it is typically a member of a lower economic echelon. The lady with the perm that just a bit too fresh probably has a million coupons, and she's waiting for you to make a mistake. The person that see's the pharmacy and stares blankly from pick up, to drop off, to consultation may not have ever filled a script before. The disheveled guy with the glassy eyes coming toward the pharmacy with an exaggerated limp and elaborate story is probably bringing in a fake script or maybe one obtained dishonestly. The person who brings in the ER script so fresh it's still warm from the printer just wants to get the magic pill that will make them well again.

Last night, I was puzzled. The guy that approached the counter was mid 30s, bald, and wearing overalls. He was roughly 6'4", 250 lbs by my estimate. His name was in woven cursive script over his heart underneath a Ford emblem. As big as he was it took me a bit to notice him because I was engrossed in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged (heavy reading for me). He didn't shuffle his papers, rap on the counter or cough to get my attention. He just waited patiently until I noticed him standing there. This automatically got him up to the B+ region of the patient grading scale.

I approached the counter and checked out the script, asking him if he wanted to wait for it. He said he would. He proceeded to ask where the condoms were. This bumped him up to an A-. Most people are too embarrassed to ask about the rubbers.

I got the script ready and paged him over the intercom. He returned to the pharmacy shortly with the condoms (magnums) to get his script. He looked around, seeming to take in the surroundings and said,

Guy: Man, I bet this shift is the shit.
Me: Yeah, I love it. As you saw earlier, I spend a lot of time reading. No stress.
Guy: Yeah. No people at night, don't have to put up with a lot of bullshit from all the crowds.
Me (pause): Yeah! That's just it. How did you know?
Guy: Aw, man, I been here during the day. All types a shit goin' on. Seems like a lot of hassle. Fuck that. Here at night, you can do your own thing.
Me: Exactly. I couldn't have put it better myself.
Guy: Truth. Keep it real, man.

He walked away and I just stood there mystified. Talking to the pharmacist like a real person instead of a register jockey almost always gets you an A+. I hope he comes back sometime.