Rule 1: Don't Ask Me About Your Copay

This is a cardinal sin of the pharmacy going public. Here's how the usual interaction goes as the patient is being rung up for their drugs:

Tech: OK, it's X dollars today for your prescription.
Patient X: Oh, no! That's not right. It's normally Y dollars.
Tech: We submitted it to the same insurance plan as last time. That's the copay your insurance company returned to us.
Patient: Oh, I see. I guess I'll stand here and bitch about it for 10 more minutes because, even though you told me that's the price my insurance company set, you're here in front of me now so I just assume it was you who set my copay.

OK, they don't actually say that, but that's just what they do. I can always hear the exchange even if I'm not at the register. If you look over at me, I'll be staring intently at my computer screen, but what's going on in my head is far different. It usually involves me delivering a flying dropkick over the counter to whoever happens to be complaining about their copay at that particular moment.

Now that I've described the scenario, here's a little more detail about how the problem arises:

The Assumption
The assumption (remember what assuming makes you?) by the patient is that the pharmacy determines their copay. This assumption is baseless and ignorant. When your pharmacy fills a prescription for you, they send a claim to your insurance company. Your insurance company in turn sends to us the amount they're reimbursing the pharmacy as well as the amount that you contribute. That's right, your copay. The bottom line being that I have about as much to do with your copay as I do that stupid look on your face.

The Reality
I don't know why your copay is what it is. Furthermore, I don't give a shit. Your insurance situation is as baffling to me as it is to you. You are confused, but you shouldn't be. Why? When you got your insurance plan, they sent to you via good ol' snail mail a large folder full of information about your prescription drug coverage and how your payments worked. What you did was promptly shove that information up your ass and forgot it ever existed. So, when you come to my pharmacy and expect me to know your insurance inside and out, I become a bit agitated.

Sick as it sounds, this is the reality. Even after you explain the situation, they just sit there and stare at you as if you'll suddenly say, 'Oh, well, if you're that persistent I guess I'll change the bill to a figure that's more satisfactory to you. Sorry for the trouble.' And perhaps add in a cute little dance routine to brighten up your day. Right.

How can you prevent me from desiring to perform a frontal lobotomy on you next time you come to my pharmacy? Inform yourself about your own health care and quit throwing a fit like a two year old when I tell you what your copay is. Your mother taught you manners at one point in your life (I know mine did) and I'm assuming you know how to use them.