Rule 2: You May Not Return Your Prescription

I assume that this rule (just like I assume every other rule) need not be explained. Let me rephrase that: need not be explained to intelligent, coherent members of Jesus-loving America. I keep forgetting that the majority of the United States are are knuckle dragging mouth breathers.

A recent dialogue with a patient may more aptly represent Rule 2:

Patient: You filled my script incorrectly. I usually get (insert drug type A) and today I got (insert drug type B).
Me: (pantomiming shooting myself in the face) Let me check the hard copy.
I check the actual prescription, and find that good ol' MD did indeed write for drug A. I get back on the horn with Patient.
Me: Your doc wrote for drug A. That's what they want you to have.
Patient: Well, I want to have drug B. That's what they used to give me!
Me: We'll have to verify that with your doctor. We can't just dispense it without having a prescription for it first.
Patient: You can take back the other one and refund my money, right? I mean, since you filled it for the wrong drug?
Me (hemorrhaging internally): I just explained to you that we filled it for what your doctor wrote for. And no, we can't take that medication back once it leaves the pharmacy. That's the law.

I've had people threaten to get me fired, to take their prescription to another pharmacy, and demand me to get the store manager. All of these threats are irrelevant, boring and utterly empty. Do I give a shit about any of the above? No. No no no.

Here's the deal: Once a script leaves the physical confines of the pharmacy, it is illegal for the pharmacy to take it back and dispense it at a later time. Period. I don't care if it was Jesus himself that picked up the script and immediately deposited said script in a kryptonite lined safe. Still illegal.

The Problem
Some people think that buying an Rx is like buying a bag of chips. Pull your head out. Imagine if your pharmacy just took back everything that all those assholes brought back on a daily basis and dispensed it to the next person who walked in.

Me: Here's your Vicodin. By the way, I just got this from that staggering mess of a human being that you passed coming in. Yeah, the one that was simultaneously lighting a crack pipe and picking at her pressure ulcers. Impressed?

Allright, I'll admit it, that scenario is fairly improbable. No one returns Vicodin.

The Solution
Educate yourself about your medications and know what your doc is prescribing to you. Instead of just giving an impatient nod or 'no no' when I ask if you have any questions about your prescriptions, put down the cell phone and take a look at what your new Rx is for. Your life may depend on it.