You may not know it, but you can get all kinds of useful information from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist. Here's a few examples from the dispensary today.
Lost: I need to know where the Corpopharm in Town X is (Town X is a small town on the edge of the city where my pharmacy is. It's about 15 miles away, and I've never actually been to that pharmacy). Can you give me directions?
Me: I don't know where that pharmacy is. I've never been there.
After stating this fact, there was a pause on the line. Lost clearly expected me to summon my map genie to get the directions for her.
Lost (huffy): Well..... Can you ask someone else? I need to know how to get there!
What the hell? The logic here is so backward and clumsy I don't even know where to start. The only conclusion I can draw here is that Lost assumed I knew where the pharmacy was because it was part of the chain I worked for. Did she think that Corpopharm wouldn't employ me unless I memorized the location of every pharmacy in the metro area? Did she assume we had poker runs on the weekends? If I ask someone a question and they don't know the answer, I find someone who does. I move on.
I put her on hold for 5 minutes. After that I picked up the phone and told her the first random address that I thought of. I figured waiting on hold for that long had at least earned her that.
The next question concerned the vitally important matter of toilet paper. I touches my heart that people would trust in me to give them information about ass wipe. Mind you, this question came at the busy part of Monday, the busiest time of the week at a pharmacy. There are long lines at pick-up and drop-off, and I'm up to my neck in shit... pun intended.
Ass: Where's the toilet paper?
Me: (dirty look) I don't know. Ask someone up front, they'll find it for you.
I usually try to be polite, but pestering a pharmacist at 5 o'clock on a Monday is not only inconsiderate and rude, it's bordering on malicious. I figured that if she wasn't smart enough to read the signs over the aisles that she probably didn't know how to wipe her ass either.
The last question was probably the most entertaining, though.
Caller: I just bought some Advil Cold and Sinus there and it says on my receipt that I was charged $X. I think it was labeled price $Y. I need you to check on that for me.
Me: This is the pharmacy.
Caller: I know.
Fuck that. You might as well call my entire profession shit if you want me to start doing stock clerk tasks. But wait! An idea was brewing in my cruel, petty little mind. I knew how to make her pay for her assaults. Oh yes. The current time was 9:55, and my pharmacy closes at 10 PM. I put the phone on hold, telling her I'm checking the price for her...
...Me: Oh my gosh! You're right, it was price Y! You'd better get back down here for a refund.
Caller: OK! I'll be there in about 20 minutes.
I wonder if she could see the price through the window. God, I hope so.
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