An average question on an average day:
Patron: Where's the _______?
In the space, insert any item I don't give a shit about, such as magazines. Such as cigarettes. Such as crazy glue. Noticing a theme? None of these items have anything to do with pharmacy, which means they don't have anything to do with me, the pharmacist.
My response to this question 9 times out of 10:
Me: I don't know.
People get put off by this. They usually pull a stupid look for a few seconds which is replaced by a dirty look after the gears stop grinding. Most people will drop it and take some initiative themselves and (gasp) go looking for said item. For the undaunted, though, they carry on.
Undaunted: You don't know? Who would know?
Holy shit. Any time this happens, I get the temptation to toss a smoke grenade over the counter and do a little 'urban cleansing'. I'll tell you who would know. The pharmacies at Corpopharm are in the back of the store. That means to get to the dispensary, you must walk through the entire store. This entails walking past the front store where you will find many helpful cashiers. These people stock the shelves at Corpopharm. This means that they're painfully familiar with the location of all the useless crap your little heart desires. They'll even lead you to it.
It wouldn't bother me so much, but pharmacists are busy. I barely have time to eat lunch or take a piss. I don't get breaks. The average chain pharmacy fills around 2000 scripts per week. Each and every one of those scripts must be checked before they go out into the real world to prevent stomach acid and induce boners (that's a technical term for erection).
Here's an example from today:
Chick: Excuse me! Excuse me! (I had my back turned to this person, and they needed my attention urgently). Do you guys sell cat food?
Me: No. (Yeah, bitch! It's right here next to the blood pressure medication and birth control. What the hell do you think?)
Why you're out of line:
Pharmacists don't go get their big expensive educations to help you choose a dish detergent or make sure you get the sale price as advertised in Corpopharm's flier. Ensuring medication safety means people don't die. This is more important than anything else, and that's why I don't really care if you can't find the Pepsi. It's just not important to me.
What you need to do: If your question is not medication related, figure it out for yourself. Or don't. Either way, don't ask me. You may end up impressing yourself by discovering potato chips in the "Snacks" aisle and diapers in the "Baby Care" aisle. I doubt it, though.
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