Rule 3: I Am Not Your Doctor

I am also not your insurance company. Now, I realize that this seems redundant. While interacting with any person in the pharmacy, I would expect this answer from this question:

Me: Who am I?
Anyone: Why, you're a pharmacist (?).

Correct you are! Most any person I would pose this question to would answer correctly. However, on a daily basis, I am confused with both doctors and insurance companies by a good portion of people that meander into my pill shop.

The genesis of this post lies in the fact that I get yelled at a lot. A LOT. I'm the first to admit fault, and sometimes it is the pharmacies fault. Sometimes means about 5% of the time, and that's being generous.

Here's how the problem usually arises: You stop into the pharmacy to pick up your scripts. Not all of your scripts are ready yet. You immediately become angry and agitated. You huff and puff and threaten to blow the whole pharmacy down. There is a reason that one or more of your scripts are missing, and it's not because of me. Here's a list of reasons. It's actually rather short.

1) You doctor did not call in the script yet. You just left the office 5 minutes ago. Amazingly enough, you're not the only patient they have to take care of that day. Are you having an epiphany yet?

Spiffy: I've got 1 Rx here for you.
Dumbass: No, no, no! There's supposed to be 2!!!!
Spiffy: Was your doctor calling another one in for you?
Dumbass: They were supposed to! I just left there.

And so on and so forth. When you inform them that they haven't called it in yet, the normal response is to stand there and stare at you. I call it the refill-stare-down. Most people think that if they look at you long and hard enough, you'll just pull a new Rx out of your ass and bless them with some pharmacy love. It's comical.

2) Your doctor hasn't gotten back to the pharmacy with the refill request we sent them a week ago. Once again, your doctor is very busy and usually doesn't get to his/her paperwork until his/her office staff corners them with red hot pokers. In this instance, your doctor is an asshole. I don't know why it's taking a week. Refer to the title.

3) Your insurance company has decided not to pay for your script. Sometimes, it requires a Prior Authorization (the PA will get it's own post in the future) and sometimes your dumb ass has tried to refill too soon. Either way, they're not paying for it. In this case, the script is indeed ready and filled, but for the full cash price. Of course, you'd rather murder babies than pay out of pocket for your medication. Thusly, you go home thinking that the mean ol' pharmacist just felt like being an asshole and denied you your medication. Right, like I want to give you another reason to yell at me.

Why you're out of line:
Any time an Rx is not ready, the pharmacy becomes the whipping boy. The reason is simple. The moment of realization occurs in the pharmacy, and we're the closest person to yell at. Regardless of who is at fault, we're the first to be punished. You're blaming the wrong person.

How to not be an asshole:
Take a deep breath! Count backwards from ten. Now, in those ten seconds you should come to your senses and realize that screaming obscenities at the pharmacy staff will get you nowhere. The size of the tantrum you throw is not directly related to how quickly you will get your script. Realize that we're doing everything we can for you. If the problem could be solved at the pharmacy, you would already have the script in your hand and you would be proceeding to more important tasks at the pharmacy like buying gossip magazines and arguing over coupons. Somebody shoot me.