1. One of the first people I filled a script for asked me how much the medication would cost. It's quite often that people hand me a prescription and ask, within a few seconds, 'How much will that cost?' like I know right off the top of my head. I told her I would have to put the scripts into the computer before I could give her a price. One was for amoxicillin, the other was for a cough suppressant. I told her the price. She responded with, 'Is that for the actual medicine?'
'Haha, of course not!' I replied, throwing up the facade directly behind me, exposing the shelves of actual medicine. 'You're the first person to ask for the actual medicine! I've been giving the rest of those dolts sugar pills. The joke is on them, my dear!'
I ran out from behind the counter and we danced a lively jig together. Then we went unicorn hunting... with God.
2. Shortly thereafter, Xanaxguy showed up. Xanaxguy tries to get early refills on his Xanax every month. Actually, it's more like every 3 weeks because he is always trying to get it filled before he's supposed to be out of it. He calls in requesting a refill roughly ten times every day, I am not exaggerating. You see, junkies think that if they can find someone at the pharmacy that doesn't know them, they can get their dope whenever they want it. I think that they're so stoned they forget that the pharmacists, who all know who they are, have to check the script before it leaves.
He was picking up a script for his son. He had called in the refill for his son's medication and his Xanax at the same time... when I was on duty the night previously. I had promptly cancelled the Xanax refill. He didn't have the guts to ask about his Xanax, and I cherished the look of disappointment on his face. He was also buying a large plastic dump truck. Yes, for some reason Corpopharm sells some toys. Lord knows how lucative the toy market is. I had a sudden mad urge to grab a bottle of Xanax and dump it into the back of the toy dump truck. I wanted to see his eyes widen as the pile of pills grew higher. I didn't do it.
3. As soon as I got to work, all I wanted to do was eat my tacos. I had inadvertently slept all day, thus had no time to eat before work. I grabbed some Taco Bell and arrived a few minutes early so I could inhale my soft shells. As soon as I arrived, one of my techs had a funny story.
Some lady came to the drive through. As the story went, she was being rather rude. She demanded to know exactly how long her presciptions would take to fill. My technician gave her an estimate of time and asked her to come back. Suddenly, her attitude improved significantly. Apparently, her car would not start and she wondered if he would not mind pushing her out of the drive through and giving her a jump start, pretty please please?
4. Two of my favorite women, Superpharm and TheSister, called me on the doctor line. I'd rather hear from them than any doctor.
5. A lady came in with an Rx from the local poor hospital. Poor hospitals are defined as hospitals which treat patients that have no means to pay for their own care. These hospitals provide adequate care, but lack certain other attributes. She had a script for 10 Vicodin. Whoop-de-do. I never make conversation, but she started in regardless of my stony face.
PoorVicodin: 'Do you have anything for tooth pain...' I start thinking Orajel-Anbesol... 'because I lost my top denture, and the bottom one is rubbing on my gums.'
Wait. Wait just a god damned minute. How do you lose your top denture, but not the bottom one? Did she lend it to a mean spirited friend? Did she get in a spitting competition on the edge of a deep sea? Did she get an unexpected visit from the evil tooth fairy? Maybe she drove around town with her head hanging out the window like a dog, cheeks flapping in the wind with an air of gay frivolity. She actually said that she lost one denture but not the other with a straight face, like that kind of thing happened every day.
6. A guy came to the pharmacy for a consult on cock rings. Yes, apparently Corpopharm sells cock rings. Vibrating cock rings. They are right next to the condoms. He came to me because he was concerned that his dick was too big and that he would injure himself by using it. He said that he was willing to try because it was his girlfriend's birthday, and he wanted to make her happy. In the course of the conversation, he noted that he was from Michigan, and that he didn't much care for Missourians. I'd have to say that I agree with him.
7. I got home at 7:15 and deposited 65 doses of flu vaccine into my keg refrigerator. They're right next to a keg of Bud Light and underneath a six pack of Summit ale. When I picked up the keg, they said, 'Oh, you again?'. Applephiliac got the Summit as part of a love offering from some sick fiend in Minneapolis. The flu vaccine is going to a clinic that another Corpopharmacist is doing next week. I wonder how all those patients would feel about about that vaccine sitting in a refrigerator that has caused so much vomiting. This is my life.
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